OA

I feel I’m in need of an OA chapter.

Not Overeaters Anonymous.

Overthinkers Anonymous.

In a previous post, I mentioned my Aquarius/Libra combination along with the marriage of the King and Queen of Swords running around in my head. In the Tarot, the suit of Swords is connected to the Air element and Aquarius and Libra are both Air signs which makes me a double air person. Air is connected to the mind together with everything that goes along with it-thoughts, logic, learning, etc. Like the air itself, our thoughts can be quite turbulent at times, like a raging F5 tornado, though sometimes they can be a gentle breeze. But, rarely are they calm.

Clip art from Clipart Panda

With our current situations; political, social and Covid related, plus a few personal/emotional concerns, I’ve been in hyperdrive. Tornado sirens are going off in my head. Or the King and Queen are breeding like rabbits up there.

Even past situations have been coming back into play recently.

With the Black Lives Matter movement back in the mainstream news, I’ve taken a strong look at myself and how I may be unconsciously harboring racist and then by extension, sexist thoughts. Ones I might not have been aware of.

For example, many years ago, a young Black man, probably in his twenties, came knocking on my door. I live in a small gated community of thirty-five houses. He explained he had locked himself out of his house and heard I had a ladder tall enough to get in a second floor window so he could get his keys and wallet. Could he borrow it? Now, I had seen him once or twice in the community yet I still wondered if his story was true as I couldn’t place him in a particular house. But, I didn’t want to judge him based on his race and gender. I knew what I was doing-racially profiling him. I pushed that aside and offered to help him carry the ladder. As we walked to his house, I kept asking myself if I was doing the right thing. It bothered me that I had these thoughts the whole way there. He made it in the house, retrieved his keys and wallet then helped me bring the ladder back to my garage. He thanked me and went on his way.

As it turned out, during a Residents’ meeting later that month, I was talking with a Black woman who turned out to be his mother. I said I may have met her son and explained the situation. She told me how mad she got at him that he had locked himself out of the house and for the trouble he could have gotten himself into. She was grateful I helped him. I can’t recall if I explained my dilemma or not, but I’m sure she knew I must have had some thoughts along those lines.

I still feel badly for having had them.

One similar situation also has been coming to light lately. I was stopped at a red light on one hot afternoon also a few years ago. I decided then it was time to roll up the windows and turn on the air conditioning in my car. Just as I did this, a Black man was crossing the street in front of me. My thoughts were “OMG! I hope he doesn’t think I rolled up my windows because he was crossing in front of me!!” I tried to come back into the moment by reminding myself of my intentions and that I hadn’t seen him until after I started to roll up the windows and turn on the air. 

Now when I’m out for my morning walk and someone is walking toward me, if I can see they aren’t wearing a mask, I safely step into the street. Then I wonder if that person thinks I’m doing it because of their race. Especially if they aren’t white.

But, if they think what I think they think, then that is their business to process. I have more than enough trouble thinking about my thinking to worry about thinking what others are thinking. 

See, I told you I overthink.

I need help.

I’m trying to turn this curse into a blessing by not thinking about it. When I find my thoughts drifting into the darkness, I try to remember to bring myself back into the moment by focusing on what I am doing right then. Sometimes, if I’m walking, I focus on which foot I’m stepping with right then; right, left, right, left, etc. If I’m in my neighborhood, I focus on finding some detail of a house, a plant, or something new I hadn’t seen before. Or, I play music and focus on the lyrics. If I‘m out in nature, I focus on the sounds I’m hearing and try to identify them if possible. If I’m home, I concentrate on the task at hand, but how many times can you clean a bathroom, wash dishes, fold laundry or make the bed? Especially if you live alone? 

I will also try to focus on my breath making sure I'm breathing deep, abdominal breaths. Or I'll try a breathing strategy. Two I'll often use are:

• Breathe in for a count of four, hold for four, exhale for four, wait for four, repeat, or;
• Breathe in for a count of seven, hold for four, exhale for a count of eight, wait for a count of four, repeat.

But, my real trouble is at night when my guard is down so I can relax and drift away to sleep but my brain has other plans. Or in the morning when I’m beginning to achieve consciousness but still in that hazy, dreamy state and the train of thoughts is already pulling out of the station.

I wonder if there is such a thing as Overthinkers Anonymous and if there is a local chapter.

If not, maybe I should be a founding member?

I’ll have to think about it.

July's Card-More Reversed Swords

Radiant Tarot

Okay, it's a new month which means it’s time to check in with my New Year Reading. July’s card was the Seven of Swords Reversed.

Looking at the card in its upright position, we see a figure tiptoeing away, carrying five of seven swords. A number of questions come to mind.

Why is the figure tiptoeing away and looking over his shoulder?

Why does he seem to be smirking?

Why is he taking the swords? And only five of them?

What is going on in the background?

The combination of the tiptoeing, the smirking and looking over his shoulder all suggest he doesn’t want to be seen or heard and therefore, caught. In other words, he’s being sneaky. Even deceptive, avoidant or dishonest.

Some readers have suggested that the background action is a battle of some sort and this figure is taking the swords to disarm the combatants. Yet, if  the suit of Swords as a whole represents the mind and all the activity associated with it, then this would be a battle of wits. How does one disarm a battle of wits? I mean you can’t take away someone’s thoughts, you can only attempt to prove their reasoning to be incorrect or illogical and they then have to accept their faulty thinking process. In this day and age of who-knows-who-or-what-to-believe, it is becoming harder to reason with just about anyone. Emotions, passions and ideologies are overflowing.

I’ve also heard this card read as someone leaving a situation. Yet, to me that suggests an emotional connection as we tend to leave a situation out of an emotional reaction; e.g. fear, anger, or hurt. But if Swords is about the mind, I find it hard to make the connection that someone is leaving due to an emotional reaction. Yet, it could suggest that the evidence pointing to someone leaving the situation is faulty evidence causing some overthinking somewhere, either the person potentially leaving or the person being left behind is overthinking. This is a bit of a stretch for me. I also don’t read this as someone leaving as he is carrying swords which represent thoughts and ideas. So, this card definitely gives me the feeling of something being taken in an underhanded way. Deception is the first thing that usually comes to mind for me.

Bianco Nero Tarot
by Marco Proietto

But, I didn't use the 'traditional' deck in my reading back in January. I used the Bianco Nero Tarot by Marco Proietto. This deck definitely has a different 'feel' to it and this card definitely 'feels' darker. There is no smirk on his face and he's hidden by a hood and cloak. He's still in the process of taking the swords as he's reaching for one. With his gloved hands, he seems more prepared to deal with sharp swords compared to the figure in the card above. This card suggests he was planning this heist.

I believe this card can be read from two perspectives. The figure in both cards is definitely acting underhandedly. So, I could read the card as I am either the perpetrator or the victim. And if I am the perpetrator, I might not even be aware of anything I might be taking from someone. 

But, I can’t think of anyone I might be deceiving as I try to be honest with everyone.

With this card being reversed, it would suggest the opposite of the traditional meaning which would suggest no one is being dishonest or deceiving me. Maybe that’s the message. Whatever thoughts I might have that someone is being dishonest are faulty.

It could even mean I'm deceiving myself about something or someone.

This month has revealed a few other surprises.

I tend to pay more attention to people’s actions rather than their words. After all, actions speak much louder.

The actions of a few friends have suddenly screamed out their true nature.

So, maybe that’s it. Any 'deception' would be revealed.

While I can’t say these friends were being dishonest, maybe this truer nature of their character was being held back and now has been brought into light.

And now that they've revealed themselves, it’s up to me to tiptoe away.

Or not.

On to August's card, the high energy of the Queen of Wands. After four months of reversed cards, I'm ready for some upright energy, even hers.

Rider Waite Smith Tarot

I just hope I'm prepared for her.

Sudoku, Connections and Cher

As I mentioned in a previous post, I enjoy doing puzzles as part of my morning routine. Sudoku is one I particularly enjoy. 

For those who are unfamiliar with it, the puzzle is made of a large 9x9 grid then divided into smaller 3x3 grids. The object of the puzzle is to place the numbers 1-9 in the individual cells so that each number appears once in each of the 3x3 sections in the larger grid and subsequently in each column and row.

The easier levels start with more numbers already filled in while harder levels begin with less pre-filled cells. Makes sense.

Sudoku, Learnings.AI Inc. (c)2018

I initially started doing Sudoku with a paper/pencil version. Once I've filled in all the easier cells, I would write the numbers that might fit in the cell, like notes. Today’s apps also give you that option.

I’ve recently made a connection between Sudoku and humanity. 

As I begin to fill in the empty cells based on my notes, they start a chain reaction. For example, in the photo to the left, the pre-filled numbers are gray and the blue ones I filled in by process of elimination. The smaller numbers are possible entries for those cells, i.e., notes. If we look at the first cell of the third row, we can see only a 5 can fit there. When I click on that cell and place the 5 there, the other 5s in that 3x3 square and connected row and column will disappear. In this case, that will leave the 3 for the cell above and the 2 for the bottommost cell of that column. As I fill in those numbers, they too will disappear and trigger a chain reaction.

By process of elimination and occasional guesses, I complete most of the puzzles with few mistakes. The majority of my mistakes come from not switching back and forth between the “pencil” mode which allows me to write my notes and the regular mode where I enter my choice for the final answer.

With this global pandemic of COVID-19, I have come to see a connection between humanity and the numbers in Sudoku.

If we follow a simple monetary transaction, we can see this. But, for this example I'll have to use old fashioned money. Not plastic or the e-stuff, but the real bills and coins. I know, who really uses it anymore? Think how often a simple piece of currency can change hands. What till did you get it from? Who gave it to that cashier? What did they last touch and how long ago did they wash/sanitize their hands?  Who will you pass it on to? Think of all the other germs and bacteria that one bill carries. Now think of everything you touch during the day, particularly door handles, cash machines, public restrooms, etc. which gets added to the bill. I wish there was a way to sanitize our money, like literally laundering it legally.

This reminds me of an episode of "I Love Lucy."  In the episode, Bonus Bucks, a local newspaper is running a contest. They are publishing serial numbers of dollar bills with prizes of various amounts of money. Ricky comes home with a winner worth $300.00 and slips it into Lucy's purse while she's sleeping. Meanwhile, she had gone through all her bills earlier that day. The next morning, she pays the grocery delivery boy with the bill who then gives it to Ethel, Lucy's landlady and best friend, in change who comes up yelling she found a Bonus Buck. Ricky then explains what he did and everyone soon realizes it's the same bill. Hilarity ensues as both couples claim ownership and typical Lucy antics prevail, including a trip through Speedy Cleaners. Literally. In one short time frame, barely 10 minutes in real life, a dollar bill passes through three hands. Five, if you include Ricky and whoever gave it to him the night before.

While contracting the virus by coming in contact with a contaminated surface is becoming less likely, though still possible, the number of times a single piece of currency changes hands shows how connected we are without realizing it. Now, let's think about all the people we would come in contact with during a typical pre-lockdown day. We might kiss our family members good-bye and head off to school, work or errands. We'd chat with co-workers, cashiers, friends, neighbors, the letter carrier, FedEx or UPS deliveryperson, the server or barista where we stop after work. We might even casually talk with other shoppers at the market while picking up some last minute things for dinner. The vast majority of studies show the coronavirus is primarily spread via airborne particles so all of this close contact was putting us within range for it to infect us. Now we need to practice social distancing to slow down the spread.

With the onslaught of pushing to reopen the economy, haven't we overlooked one important factor? A healthy, robust economy depends on a healthy, robust community. Businesses do need to survive, I get it. But, for that to happen, don't customers and workers need to be healthy in order to shop or work? Or at least alive?

I totally understand we want to get back to normal. Or what we perceived was normal. We may have a new normal, at least for a while until we get a better understanding of this virus and its behaviors so we can learn to better manage it and to understand its potential long-term effects in order to establish a new sense of 'normal.' Whatever that may turn out to be.

Change is hard. The more we are forced to change, the more we resist because it is harder and scarier to accept because it's not our choice. But, with change comes the opportunity to grow and growth can trigger pain. Who likes pain (besides those into BDSM)? Though here I'm talking about emotional pain.

Three of Swords,
Radiant Tarot

We may have to let go of what was comfortable and try something new. It's like trying on a new pair of shoes because our favorite pair has worn out. The sole has worn through, the heel may have worn down or broken, it's time for them to go. The new ones may cause some blisters, some soreness, or some pinching until they're broken in. But, eventually they do and we get used to them.

I believe we are all in this together. Unfortunately, many people don't see it that way. It's all about them. They need a haircut or a mani-pedi. And they need it now with no regard for the health and safety of others. Or, that's how it appears to me.

As we engage with others, we aren't sure of where they've been. Who were they with last? How long ago? They could be a- or pre-symptomatic possibly infecting others without knowing they even have the virus. Can wearing a mask be that troublesome? Can showing compassion for others be so difficult? Who cares if your roots are showing?

I understand this has created some inconveniences for many people. We can't eat out with friends in restaurants or hang out in bars like we used to. We can't, or shouldn't, get together with family members who don't share our household like we used to. We can't travel for leisure like we used to. We can't go shopping for fun. We can't go to entertainment venues. While I don't mean to trivialize anyone's suffering, others throughout history have fared far worse: the Africans who were kidnapped and sold into slavery; all who were imprisoned in the concentration camps in Germany, Italy, Southeast Asia and the United States during WWII; those who suffered through the Cambodian, Armenian and other genocides; the indigenous cultures around the world enslaved by conquering nations sometimes in the name of religion.

I view what we are currently experiencing as inconvenient. Yes, it is difficult at times. Yes, it is frustrating. Yes, I am tired of it. But before anyone thinks I mean to trivialize or view the above atrocities as mere 'inconveniences', I do not. They were beyond horrible, despicable, appalling, I can't even find enough words. Yet, we have more distractions to help us get through this; books, music, smartphones, the internet and all that comes with it, the freedom to at least walk in our neighborhoods, the ability to shop when absolutely necessary, the freedom to just get in our cars, if we have one, and go for a drive. They did not have such luxuries.

As I said, I believe we are all connected. The money transaction is a small example of that. Yet, I also believe that as a human race, we are all connected in a greater sense as children of the Universe, or God, and we need to treat each other with more compassion. I also believe that on a higher level, a spiritual one-if you will, we are connected there as well. For that reason, I have included a link below to one of my favorite songs from Cher's 2001 largely under-appreciated album, Living Proof.

Ultimately, we only have control over ourselves. I try to have compassion for others. Some individuals make it harder; like those who treat life as normal. "If I get sick, I get sick." "If you die, you die. My life will go on." Their decision to push for normalcy has made it harder on others who have underlying health issues forcing them to make even further restrictions on their lives. For this reason, I do my part to keep myself, my family and friends from getting sick and ultimately overrunning the medical community and health care system, as well as giving the experts more time to better understand this virus in order to develop ways to control it, or if possible, ultimately eradicate it. I see this as for the greater good for all.

But, I can't force anyone to see things my way.

Unfortunately.

Tee shirts are available from such vendors as Teespring.com, Teechip.com, or Ohhclothing.com.

Swords, Significators and Souls

The Court
as represented in various decks

There is a small group of cards within the Tarot deck that gives beginning readers some trouble. Collectively they are referred to as the Court cards, or the Royals, because they are comprised of a Page, a Knight, a Queen and a King. There is one of each rank in each of the four suits; Swords, Cups, Pentacles (Coins), or Wands, for a total of sixteen Court Cards.

Each suit tells a story as it relates to the theme of the suit; Mind, Heart, Body or Soul. The story begins with the Ace and finishes with the Ten, then we encounter the Court. I’ve come to see these cards as the characters within the story as it relates to their individual theme. I also see them as reflecting their experience with their story based on their rank and age, then by gender to help differentiate the Queen and the King as they are about the same age. And in my own head, they are a happy little family, when one or more are not reversed or under the influence of some other card’s energy.

When these cards show up in a reading, they can suggest a person with that personality is somehow connected to the situation. They could also suggest an aspect of the individual seeking the reading or even an attitude the seeker might adopt or abandon to further resolve any issues connected to their question. 

In addition, many readers and tarot fanatics select one of these cards to act as a significator within the deck or during a reading.

Let me explain further. 

Swords is the suit of the mind and all that goes on up there; thought, logic, reasoning, understanding, clarity, truth, honesty, communication, etc. The Page is the youngest of the Court so they are learning how to master their thoughts, how to reason, how to express themselves clearly and how to discern fact from fiction, as well as reliable news sources. They can have an air of innocence as well as eagerness.

The Knight is a bit older than the Page, so they have a little more experience under their belt. I think of the Page as still studying while the Knight is the recent graduate ready to take on the world with their new ideas. They can still be a bit on the tentative side or a bit overconfident ready to challenge the establishment and bend it to their will. They lack the life experience to know how to be tactful, when to charge forth and when to hold back until the time is right. 

 

King of Swords
Radiant Tarot

The King, on the other hand, is a master of his suit. He is a man with life experience who continues to seek deeper understanding, truth and education and understands the value of such pursuits. He is also witty and has a keen sense of humor. He is a communicator and loves to impart his knowledge which makes him a good instructor. He can be a  judge or counsellor, as he is impartial since he relies on facts-not emotions. However, he can have a bit of an attitude if you ask his advice and then don’t follow it which will make him feel that you’ve wasted his time. He has little tolerance for people’s lack of understanding the facts of the matter especially when he’s researched them and wonders why they don’t see them. It is glaringly obvious to him, so it should be to others as well. Be careful if you ask him his opinion as his sword wields the truth. And the truth can hurt.

The Water Bearer pouring his
knowledge over humanity

As I was studying the Court cards when I first began reading a couple of years ago, I felt I connected to him, more for his positive aspects rather than his bluntness. Or sharpness. After all, a blunt sword is useless. I shared my connection with my study group when someone pointed out that the King of Swords is also connected to Aquarius as those same attributes describe an Aquarian. And that is my Sun sign. So, that cemented the deal. He is my significator. So, when he shows up in a reading for me, I pay particular attention to where he shows up and whether he’s reversed or not. 

I find he is quite active lately. And maybe not in a good way, perhaps he’s reversed right now. A reversed Court card could either bring out the meeker side of their personality or the darker one.

I’ve been reading reports from virologists and epidemiologists regarding the novel Coronavirus, not solely articles written by news reporters only highlighting the gist of what some expert said. I was also reading firsthand reports of medical personnel and their accounts of what they were witnessing in their patients as well as studying accounts of survivors and their personal experiences. Therefore, I feel I know what’s true, who’s reliable and where to put my trust.

FULL DISCLOSURE: I understand the information we were receiving at the beginning of the pandemic was spotty and confusing which led to some frustration as to what to do, how it was transmitted, how dangerous it was, how it manifested in patients. So, I understand the frustration we were feeling. 

But, come on people! This is a new virus that no one knew anything about at first, like at the beginning of the HIV/AIDS pandemic in the 1980’s which I lived through so I also have some personal experience with such situations. Let’s give the scientific community a chance to find out as much as they can and also not overtax the medical community in a rush to get back to normal, whatever that is or will be. This is the King of Swords getting agitated at the lack of common sense. Okay, it’s me, too. The King has to learn to sheathe his sword and take care of himself and let others do the same, even if it doesn’t make sense to him (me.) Even if it kills them, which it very well could.

The other thing that has been plaguing me as an Aquarian is the injustice that is and has been happening.

Aquarians are a bit of a rebel as we like to march to our own drum. We also have a humanitarian side. We see the bigger picture.

As a child, I was very sensitive to the pain of others, be it physical or emotional. (I still am, but have learned to shield myself somewhat.) My stepfather was very racist, misogynistic and undoubtedly homophobic, though I don’t recall any particular episodes or discussions around the latter. He would drop racial epithets all the time, tell ethnic jokes and degrade women.  It all triggered me. This was during the Civil Rights and Women’s Lib movements of the 60’s and 70’s which made our home very tense. My mother didn’t stand up to him as she knew better since he was taller than she was by at least a foot and she was petite. Plus, his temper was not to be reckoned with. 

The American sitcom All in the Family debuted during this era and tackled many topics once considered taboo for American television. The main character, Archie Bunker, was very bigoted and used many racial and ethnic epithets. My stepfather enjoyed the show, I did not. While I was never made to sit and watch the show I was told that his attitude was one many people shared and I’d better damn well get used to it.

Let’s ratchet this up a notch.

The Libra scales of justice,
fairness, balance and equality

My ascending, or rising, sign is Libra. Astrologers take the rising sign as one of the three key signs in understanding a person’s basic personality with the moon sign completing the trifecta. The rising sign is the way we first present ourselves until we feel comfortable revealing more of our truer personality. It’s our “social mask” if you will.

Libra is the only zodiac sign represented by a non-living symbol, the Scales, or Balance. Librans like to see justice and fairness for everyone involved. So, as an Aquarian with a Libra ascendant, I have humanitarian views that seek fairness, justice and balance for all. When that scale is upset, as it is now, and people don’t share my humanitarian ideals, I go nuts. “Why can’t they see the imbalance, injustices and unfairness as they exist right now?” And then, because both Aquarius and Libra are air signs, these people spend a lot of time in their heads overthinking and overanalyzing everything. And I do mean everything. So, I get the double whammy.

Speaking of double whammies, the Court card for Libra is the Queen of Swords. So, when she appears in a reading, I give her a little more attention as well. She’s like a secondary significator. She differs from her husband in that, as a woman, she brings in some of her feminine intuition. See, I told you gender would play a sexist role.

Like her husband, she is also witty, intelligent and impartial. She will be direct in her advice, but will be there to help if it gets too emotional. She has some sympathy, more than her husband would but less than the other queens of the deck. She is the Queen of her mind, after all. Since she is known more for her intellect than her emotions, she can be emotionally distant. Some readers say she can be downright cold and bitter particularly if she's reversed.

Queen of Swords
Radiant Tarot

She has an underlying strength I feel doesn’t get enough attention from some readers. She wants to be known for her intellect which, let’s face it, is viewed more as a ‘masculine’ trait since men are seen as more in their heads and less ‘feeling’ than women. Why else would we have coined the term ‘mansplaining?’ She’s trying very hard to make it in this ‘masculine’ world. Do not 'mansplain’ to her or you may barely see the flash of her sword as she cuts you down.

The apparent lack of concern for the rest of humanity from many individuals in regards to the coronavirus with its potential toll on the medical communities and the potential health and morbidity risks of this virus, plus the disregard of social inequities and inequalities, the resurgence of Black Lives Matter and the counter-reactions, in addition to the push to reopen the economy without realizing that the economy itself depends on a healthy populace in order to sustain it, all converging at once have my inner King and Queen of Swords readying their weapons to lop off a few heads. But they can’t, so they, and my Aquarius/Libra soul, remain frustrated and somewhat disillusioned with humanity.

As I've been walking, or trying to walk, a more spiritual path over these past few years, I've been learning to detach from those whose political, religious and spiritual beliefs differ from mine. After all, we are entitled to our different beliefs. Plus, as a highly sensitive/empathic person, the fact that many people seem to care only for themselves during these difficult times hurts me, deeply. “Do you not see what you are doing to others? Do you not care? Do you have no compassion?” This side of my nature makes it ever so hard to detach. And judge less.

I continue to study the science behind the virus and the statistics driving the Black Lives Matter movement so that, when asked, I can share what I've learned. I can only hope that someone will listen and change their behavior or at least their beliefs. I just hope I’m not wasting my time.

Maybe my lesson here is that as long as I'm educating myself, I’m not actually wasting my time, but realizing I need to detach much more now, which is a very hard lesson to learn in such a very difficult time. I just need to live and take care of myself the best I can and let those fools others make their own choices and live with the consequences.

But, this seems so much more challenging to detach from.

Perhaps it's because I see people's health-and ultimately their lives-in danger.

And that troubles me greatly.

Credits for the cards in lead photo:
Page of Swords, Illustrated by Siena Summers for Pride Tarot, (c) 2020 US Games, Inc.
Knight of Cups, Crow Tarot, MJ Cullinane, (c) 2019 US Games, Inc.
Queen of Coins (Pentacles), Tarot of Dreams, Ciro Marchetti, (c) 2005 US Games, Inc.
King of Wands, Bianco Nero Tarot, Marco Proietto, (c) 2018 US Games, Inc.
Photo by Jeffrey Ballam


For information on these and other fine decks available from US Games, Inc. click here

For information on MJ Cullinane and her other projects, click here.

Eight Reversed Swords in June

New Palladini Tarot

It's a new month and time to check in with my New Year Reading. The card for June was the lovely Eight of Swords Reversed.

I’ve written about this card before as she popped up last year but let’s have a refresher. Swords is the suit of the mind and encompasses thought, logic, reasoning, learning-anything that goes on in our heads. She’s bound and blindfolded, still trying to move forward but unable to see the swords in the ground around her. If the suit itself represents the mind and all that goes on up there, the individual swords represent the thoughts themselves. She has seemingly trapped herself by her own thoughts. A bit of overthinking, perhaps?

A reversed card can suggest the opposite of the card’s upright meaning. So, I was thinking I’d be releasing myself from the thoughts I was using to imprison myself over the last few months. It seems that was in the cards, so to speak. (Is that where this phrase comes from: the Tarot?)

Another reader I was studying a year ago suggested this idea for a single reversed card. She interprets it as an internal energy rather than external meaning it’s directed more inward than outward into the larger world. In a multiple card reading, the cards would play off each other, influencing the interpretation of the other cards and the position in the spread would also tweak each card's meaning. So, in a way this Eight of Swords could be seen as a single card as it represents one month even if it’s within a larger collective reading for a year with the energies of the cards flowing from one month into the next. Therefore, I could interpret this as a further/deeper entrapment within my own thoughts. That’s one possibility.

Radiant Rider Waite Smith Tarot

Another possibility is that the energy or lesson was there for me to learn how to release myself from my self-imprisonment. But, just because the lesson is there for me to learn, doesn’t mean I will learn it. In other words, I’ll have to face it again one of these days. This reminds me of my teaching days, how many times did I have to review a lesson because the little darlings didn’t get it the first, second or even fifteenth time I went over it? Life can also be like that.

Let’s just say, both of these interpretations could work. Yes, I do feel I am further imprisoned by thoughts and didn’t learn to release myself from this prison. Every method I’ve learned to try and refocus my mind into something more positive didn’t seem to stick.

But, I do need to be fair to myself. I didn’t expect the Covid situation to get so much worse making the month so much more challenging. I did anticipate a resurgence of cases when the states began to reopen which was way too soon in my opinion. But, the extreme of the second wave, if it was indeed a second one rather than an extension of the first one, was overwhelming to me. 

Plus, the attitude of those who still seem to think this is not to be taken seriously disturbs me greatly. I’m getting ahead of myself and another post I have in mind. 

The politics, too, around this situation have weighed heavily on me as well. How bloody difficult is it to put on a simple mask? Did people erupt in violence over “No shirt, no shoes, no service?” Was there such vicious backlash when seat belts became mandatory? Or for driving while on the cell phone/texting? How many people were killed over those policies? Again, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Even with the heavier thoughts, I do think I was meant to learn to overcome these thoughts of despair, depression and disdain for those who don’t seem to care about the seriousness of this virus and its effect on others. Or, at least try to overcome those thoughts. Sometimes, we need to learn a lesson at a higher or deeper level to advance on our journey. I feel I did try, but maybe not hard enough.

I understand that getting past these thoughts is necessary for a peaceful life and better health as anxiety and stress aren’t good on the body. Or spirit.

The overall theme of the year, the lucky thirteenth card, is the High Priestess. I really need to go further inward, into the temple and find my inner truth because I have a bit more work to do as another Swords card is next...

Radiant Rider Waite Smith Tarot

The Magician and the Wheel

I have been remiss in my blogging especially when it comes to checking in with my cards of the month from my New Year Reading way back in January. So, I’m going to try and catch up with two cards and two months in one post. So, in this case, 2 + 2 = 1.

Yeah, whatever.

April’s card was the Magician Reversed which was followed by the Wheel of Fortune Reversed in May.

Oh goody, two Major cards reversed back to back. Oy, vey.

The Magician is not a magician in the contemporary sense of the word. In fact, I wouldn’t even go that far. He is one who celebrates ritual magic in order to manifest that which he needs. He isn’t one to make it appear out of thin air, yet he manifests it so that he encounters it on his wanderings through the countryside. Or, so I imagine. It would be like me meditating on this mantra, “I’m going to drive to the mall and find a very convenient parking spot.” And voila, I find it. Well, I'd do this back when malls were open.

If we look at the Magician's altar, we can see the symbols of the four suits of the Minor Arcana; the Wand, the Cup, the Sword, and the Pentacle. This suggests he has control over the four elements; Fire, Water, Air, and Earth respectively as they are also related to the suits. If he is about the elements and manifesting, he is also about using the elements as resources for his manifesting. I’m not talking about taking fire and torching cars to find a parking spot, but taking the energy of the element and setting the action into motion. Fire energy is drive, water is emotional energy, air is mental energy and earth’s energy is about being grounded or centered.

Regardless, the Magician is about manifesting. And if we want to manifest something, we need to take action. So, by extension, he is also about taking action.

Yet, he was reversed which would suggest a lack of any or all of the elements to get myself going. Since I didn’t post anything in May for April, we can see that I didn’t seem to have much fire in my fingers to write out a post. My heart, mind and spirit weren’t in it, either. In fact, I didn’t even think about it much until late May. Nor did I work on any drafts of other posts unrelated to my reading that I’d begun earlier. I simply wasn’t motivated, which could also be a symptom of a Reversed Magician. (Though I was motivated to exercise more, so that was a positive.) Perhaps the current situation threw me off center or uprooted me enough that I needed the time to get myself somewhat planted back on the ground again. So, perhaps the Magician Reversed turned out to be a kind of blessing in disguise. In a way. Maybe.

The Wheel of Fortune turned up in May but, again, Reversed.                   

When I see this card in a reading, my first thought goes to all those stories where the character goes off to seek his/her fortune or destiny. Most readers see this card as destiny rather than fortune in the monetary sense. 

I’m also reminded of that song about wheels, a bus and going ‘round and ‘round when this card shows up. However, this Wheel isn’t going ‘round and ‘round. In fact, it’s stuck. On its head. Or, it’s turning but, veeerrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyy slllllooooooowwwwwwlllllyyyyy.

When we think of a wheel going ‘round and ‘round, we see part of the wheel up, then down, then up, then down, constantly revolving or changing. Like life. Sometimes you’re up, then you’re down. Up, then down. Things change. They get better, then they get not so better. Sometimes you feel as if the wheel has run over you. Sometimes, it’s the whole bus.

With the Magician Reversed followed by the Wheel of Fortune also Reversed, it’s no wonder my whole world screeched to a blinding halt. Then stayed there. Remaining in isolation wasn’t necessarily fun, but after a few years of retirement where I was at home most of the time, it wasn’t that big of a change for me. A few things did change: running to the store for a few items became a major ordeal;

• Coming home and wiping down surfaces of what I bought.
• Remembering to venture out with a mask and sanitizer, provided I could find some.
• Deciphering the conflicting information.
• Learning to shower after coming home from the store so I could wash thoroughly, just in case.
• Going to one store at a time to avoid cross contamination from one locale to another. So, I learned to make a master list and use curbside pick up whenever possible.
• Only running errands when absolutely essential.

But, I've also extended my interpretation to the world around me and the real world; my friends’ lives have changed as well. Friends who are parents were now homeschooling their children. So, my friends and I would have even less time as their duties increased. My social groups were now meeting online.

So, I learned to adapt. And to live by the Serenity Prayer:

Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

the Courage to change the things I can, and 

the Wisdom to know the difference.

Things may be changing as my state of California begins to open up, but I still think things aren’t going to improve any time soon. Yes, life does change; things do get better when they’re down, we just don’t know when the change will happen. Or how long it will take. Busses are heavy vehicles and it takes them a bit longer than a passenger car to get up to speed. And life is even bigger than a bus.

Yet, I see hope. I just don’t know when I see it. (My tarot mentor will be so proud of this insight. See, I paid attention to her numerology lessons.) In the Major Arcana, the Magician is card number 1 and the Wheel is number 10. Ones are seen as a beginning of whatever they represent. January is the first month so it begins a new year. One is the first whole number after zero and it begins any counting sequence. Doesn’t a single step begin a whole new journey or adventure?

So, the Magician also carries the additional layer of a beginning. 

Now bear with me on this one. It gets a bit tricky here. The Wheel of Fortune is card number 10. Yet, it is the first whole number that requires two digits to represent its value. Therefore, it also signals an ending while simultaneously signaling a beginning; the end of the single digit numbers and the beginning of the two digit numbers. In numerology, we often reduce multiple digit numbers down to a single number by finding the sum of the individual digits. So, a 10 card is also a 1 card because 1 + 0 = 1, which is the number of beginnings. I prefer to think of the Number 10 cards more as a transition; an ending which transitions into a beginning of something different, a new phase or chapter, if you will. The fact both cards came up one right after the other and in chronological order, first the Magician (1) then the Wheel (10), suggests to me that the energy of a beginning leading to a transitional phase of something and somewhen is there, but the reversal could suggest a delay because more work needs to be done as I have two more reversed cards for June and July. But, both upcoming cards are not seen as the most positive when upright, so reversing them may actually be a good thing.

They are the 8 and 7 of Swords respectively. Lots of mental work.

June's card

July's card

Yet, August does seem promising. But, I’ll keep that card under my hat.

Though, I will say this, it’s upright.

Finally!! 

7 Pentacles in March

Four of Pentacles
Bianco Nero Tarot

When I first saw the Four of Pentacles for February in my New Year Reading, I took it as a reminder to take control over my resources; manage my spending, improve my time management-time is also a resource, after all-and take better stock of my pantry and household supplies to make better shopping lists.

When the Seven of Pentacles followed the Four, I saw it as growth since seven is greater than four, both cards were upright and in the same suit. In other words, I'd have the resources I'd need and would have managed them well coming into March provided I learned to manage things better.

Seven of Pentacles
Rider Waite Smith Tarot

When we look at the Seven of Pentacles, in most decks we see a figure looking at a plant with some garden implement in their hand and a look of reflection on their face. As the story of Pentacles is, to me, a rags-to-riches story, I view the Seven as a time of reflection. Is it time to harvest what I have? Do I let the crop grow further and risk losing my gains by waiting too long? Is it ripe enough? Have I done enough work? Do I take it all out and start over? What more can I do and should I do it?

We can also apply these ideas to money. If I have an investment account, do I stay the course when the market gets bearish? Do I cut my losses and invest elsewhere? Or the reverse is also a consideration: At what point in a bullish market do I take my gains and risk not making more?

What about a job or career? Am I happy in my current situation? Can I throw more of myself into it and hope things will get better? Or do I leave and look for a possible better situation?

Or as a retiree, do I have enough of a pension to cover my expenses? What should I cut? Or should I look for a way to supplement my pension?

With the current global pandemic of COVID-19, little did I realize how much control I’d need over my spending and other resource management in March. I look at my pantry, and yes, it is full. My refrigerator is stocked with my essentials, though I will need to venture out for some produce and other items. Do I have enough of the other necessities; cleaning supplies, toiletries, etc? Better yet, do the stores? And if not, how do I manage with what I already have?

Seven of Pentacles
Bianco Nero Tarot

The Magician
Bianco Nero Tarot

This month will require a constant review of the resources I have and see what more I can use, maybe in different ways, which already seems to be the case as April’s card is the Magician Reversed.

Oh, joy.

Bianco Nero Tarot, Marco Proietto Author, (c) 2018, US Games, Inc.