Sudoku, Connections and Cher

As I mentioned in a previous post, I enjoy doing puzzles as part of my morning routine. Sudoku is one I particularly enjoy. 

For those who are unfamiliar with it, the puzzle is made of a large 9x9 grid then divided into smaller 3x3 grids. The object of the puzzle is to place the numbers 1-9 in the individual cells so that each number appears once in each of the 3x3 sections in the larger grid and subsequently in each column and row.

The easier levels start with more numbers already filled in while harder levels begin with less pre-filled cells. Makes sense.

Sudoku, Learnings.AI Inc. (c)2018

I initially started doing Sudoku with a paper/pencil version. Once I've filled in all the easier cells, I would write the numbers that might fit in the cell, like notes. Today’s apps also give you that option.

I’ve recently made a connection between Sudoku and humanity. 

As I begin to fill in the empty cells based on my notes, they start a chain reaction. For example, in the photo to the left, the pre-filled numbers are gray and the blue ones I filled in by process of elimination. The smaller numbers are possible entries for those cells, i.e., notes. If we look at the first cell of the third row, we can see only a 5 can fit there. When I click on that cell and place the 5 there, the other 5s in that 3x3 square and connected row and column will disappear. In this case, that will leave the 3 for the cell above and the 2 for the bottommost cell of that column. As I fill in those numbers, they too will disappear and trigger a chain reaction.

By process of elimination and occasional guesses, I complete most of the puzzles with few mistakes. The majority of my mistakes come from not switching back and forth between the “pencil” mode which allows me to write my notes and the regular mode where I enter my choice for the final answer.

With this global pandemic of COVID-19, I have come to see a connection between humanity and the numbers in Sudoku.

If we follow a simple monetary transaction, we can see this. But, for this example I'll have to use old fashioned money. Not plastic or the e-stuff, but the real bills and coins. I know, who really uses it anymore? Think how often a simple piece of currency can change hands. What till did you get it from? Who gave it to that cashier? What did they last touch and how long ago did they wash/sanitize their hands?  Who will you pass it on to? Think of all the other germs and bacteria that one bill carries. Now think of everything you touch during the day, particularly door handles, cash machines, public restrooms, etc. which gets added to the bill. I wish there was a way to sanitize our money, like literally laundering it legally.

This reminds me of an episode of "I Love Lucy."  In the episode, Bonus Bucks, a local newspaper is running a contest. They are publishing serial numbers of dollar bills with prizes of various amounts of money. Ricky comes home with a winner worth $300.00 and slips it into Lucy's purse while she's sleeping. Meanwhile, she had gone through all her bills earlier that day. The next morning, she pays the grocery delivery boy with the bill who then gives it to Ethel, Lucy's landlady and best friend, in change who comes up yelling she found a Bonus Buck. Ricky then explains what he did and everyone soon realizes it's the same bill. Hilarity ensues as both couples claim ownership and typical Lucy antics prevail, including a trip through Speedy Cleaners. Literally. In one short time frame, barely 10 minutes in real life, a dollar bill passes through three hands. Five, if you include Ricky and whoever gave it to him the night before.

While contracting the virus by coming in contact with a contaminated surface is becoming less likely, though still possible, the number of times a single piece of currency changes hands shows how connected we are without realizing it. Now, let's think about all the people we would come in contact with during a typical pre-lockdown day. We might kiss our family members good-bye and head off to school, work or errands. We'd chat with co-workers, cashiers, friends, neighbors, the letter carrier, FedEx or UPS deliveryperson, the server or barista where we stop after work. We might even casually talk with other shoppers at the market while picking up some last minute things for dinner. The vast majority of studies show the coronavirus is primarily spread via airborne particles so all of this close contact was putting us within range for it to infect us. Now we need to practice social distancing to slow down the spread.

With the onslaught of pushing to reopen the economy, haven't we overlooked one important factor? A healthy, robust economy depends on a healthy, robust community. Businesses do need to survive, I get it. But, for that to happen, don't customers and workers need to be healthy in order to shop or work? Or at least alive?

I totally understand we want to get back to normal. Or what we perceived was normal. We may have a new normal, at least for a while until we get a better understanding of this virus and its behaviors so we can learn to better manage it and to understand its potential long-term effects in order to establish a new sense of 'normal.' Whatever that may turn out to be.

Change is hard. The more we are forced to change, the more we resist because it is harder and scarier to accept because it's not our choice. But, with change comes the opportunity to grow and growth can trigger pain. Who likes pain (besides those into BDSM)? Though here I'm talking about emotional pain.

Three of Swords,
Radiant Tarot

We may have to let go of what was comfortable and try something new. It's like trying on a new pair of shoes because our favorite pair has worn out. The sole has worn through, the heel may have worn down or broken, it's time for them to go. The new ones may cause some blisters, some soreness, or some pinching until they're broken in. But, eventually they do and we get used to them.

I believe we are all in this together. Unfortunately, many people don't see it that way. It's all about them. They need a haircut or a mani-pedi. And they need it now with no regard for the health and safety of others. Or, that's how it appears to me.

As we engage with others, we aren't sure of where they've been. Who were they with last? How long ago? They could be a- or pre-symptomatic possibly infecting others without knowing they even have the virus. Can wearing a mask be that troublesome? Can showing compassion for others be so difficult? Who cares if your roots are showing?

I understand this has created some inconveniences for many people. We can't eat out with friends in restaurants or hang out in bars like we used to. We can't, or shouldn't, get together with family members who don't share our household like we used to. We can't travel for leisure like we used to. We can't go shopping for fun. We can't go to entertainment venues. While I don't mean to trivialize anyone's suffering, others throughout history have fared far worse: the Africans who were kidnapped and sold into slavery; all who were imprisoned in the concentration camps in Germany, Italy, Southeast Asia and the United States during WWII; those who suffered through the Cambodian, Armenian and other genocides; the indigenous cultures around the world enslaved by conquering nations sometimes in the name of religion.

I view what we are currently experiencing as inconvenient. Yes, it is difficult at times. Yes, it is frustrating. Yes, I am tired of it. But before anyone thinks I mean to trivialize or view the above atrocities as mere 'inconveniences', I do not. They were beyond horrible, despicable, appalling, I can't even find enough words. Yet, we have more distractions to help us get through this; books, music, smartphones, the internet and all that comes with it, the freedom to at least walk in our neighborhoods, the ability to shop when absolutely necessary, the freedom to just get in our cars, if we have one, and go for a drive. They did not have such luxuries.

As I said, I believe we are all connected. The money transaction is a small example of that. Yet, I also believe that as a human race, we are all connected in a greater sense as children of the Universe, or God, and we need to treat each other with more compassion. I also believe that on a higher level, a spiritual one-if you will, we are connected there as well. For that reason, I have included a link below to one of my favorite songs from Cher's 2001 largely under-appreciated album, Living Proof.

Ultimately, we only have control over ourselves. I try to have compassion for others. Some individuals make it harder; like those who treat life as normal. "If I get sick, I get sick." "If you die, you die. My life will go on." Their decision to push for normalcy has made it harder on others who have underlying health issues forcing them to make even further restrictions on their lives. For this reason, I do my part to keep myself, my family and friends from getting sick and ultimately overrunning the medical community and health care system, as well as giving the experts more time to better understand this virus in order to develop ways to control it, or if possible, ultimately eradicate it. I see this as for the greater good for all.

But, I can't force anyone to see things my way.

Unfortunately.

Tee shirts are available from such vendors as Teespring.com, Teechip.com, or Ohhclothing.com.

The Five of Wands

I find myself living the 5 of Wands at the moment. While I am still living the Chariot moment I’ve described before, and I’m rebuilding from the crashing Tower moments, I am now embroiled in a 5 of Wands dilemma.

As we look at the card we see five young men all swinging large wooden staffs or clubs. This seems to be an unstructured battle, no direction from any leader. This has become a free-for-all. Five men all wildly swinging these large wands hitting each other. It’s no wonder this card has come to suggest chaos, confusion, struggle and/or conflict particularly over a course of action, as the suit of Wands represents our passions in life, our courses of action, our joie-de-vivre. 

I’ve recently had some homeowner issues. I found a trail of water coming from my water heater. So, after a quick but subdued panic, I searched for plumbers on Yelp, and requested a quote. Within 10 minutes I had a response to my request but the plumber would not quote me anything over the phone, or internet, until he could come out to see what he was getting into. I thought this was a wise move for both of us. Why would he want to lock himself into a project that might cost him more than he initially quoted based on a photo and therefore lose money, or have to readjust his quote, and charge me more than what we agreed on and possibly lose a repeat customer? Undoubtedly, I will have other plumbing needs in the future.

Due to how long the water heater had been leaking, it had evidently weakened the platform the water heater was on, and seeped into the wall of my house so that simply replacing the water heater would be problematic due to the weakened platform and would prevent me from addressing the possible mold issue in the wall surrounding the heater. To make this long story short, I am now the proud owner of a tankless water heating system.

Now, I just need to find some money to pay it off.

Here’s where the 5 of Wands comes in.

I retired earlier than I could have. Had I waited another four years, I’d be in a much better and more stable financial position, but I might be in a less stable emotional state of being. Hmmm, money or sanity? For me, the choice was easy. And I always was open to the idea of having to supplement my pension. But that was then, this is now.

I’ve been retired now just over a year and a half. I’ve taken some time to decompress and get used to the idea of being retired. But now, I need to augment my pension. But, I am an introvert and somewhat empathic and therefore I avoid crowds. I’ve also learned to treasure my independence and solitude. Oh, and my freedom to come and go as I wish. Or to stay home. Or to read. Or to write. Or to play games on my iPad all day. Or to sleep. I think you get the picture. And yes, I do need to get out to learn to manage my empathic introversion. Or is it introverted empathicness? Whatever…

Yes, I could use some extra cash. I could play the lottery. In fact, I do. But, nothing much has come from it. Last week, I won $10.00. Whoopee.

How do I maintain my sense of independence and freedom while working?

I think you see the 5 of Wands in my life now; the conflict and confusion over my situation. What do I do? What action do I take?

Do I search for a job where I don’t deal with many people? Is there such a job? Do I trust that I will be provided for and what does that mean exactly? Does that mean I will find the right job? Or other source of income? Or some giant cosmic ATM? Okay, that last one was a stretch.

I need to invoke the Hanged Man here. He is about surrendering and letting go. 

But, what do I let go? I just don’t want to end up being a martyr for my own cause.

Maybe I should let all of it go, and let it be.

And let the Star guide me...

My Favorite version of the Star
From the Aquarian Tarot, by David Palladini

Happiness

A friend recently asked me a very deep, personal question. But, before I could answer, my mind took me on a quick trip back to my younger years.

I viewed this surprise trip down memory lane as inspiration for this post. Or as a sign I needed to write it. 

He asked me, “Are you happy?”

The moment he asked me this, a book that belonged to my grandfather flashed before my mind’s eye. As a child, I loved this book both in its simplicity of text and artwork. As an adult, I now see that its simplicity is also its depth. The book was “Happiness is a Warm Puppy” by Charles Schulz,1962. 

Yes, that Charles Schulz of Peanuts fame. As I recall, the book consisted of one line for each character or pair of characters describing what happiness meant to them: 

• One page shows Lucy hugging a confused Snoopy expressing “Happiness is a warm puppy.”
• Another page shows Linus all snuggled in bed, “Happiness is sleeping in your own bed.”
• And yet one more illustration shows Lucy with a pair of tweezers and Linus examining his finger with the phrase “Happiness is finally getting the sliver out.”

(Disclaimer: I do not have the book and these are pages I was able to see on various listings on the internet.)

The other memory that sprang to mind when my friend asked me that question was a song my family enjoyed whenever it came up on the 8-track. (Yes, I’m that old!)  “Happiness is...” by Ray Conniff sums up this post in its core lyric: “Happiness is different things to different people.” It goes on to list various people and what makes them happy:

• To a preacher, it’s a prayer
• To a golfer, it's a hole in one 
• To a father, it's a brand new son

You get the picture, we all have our own definition of what happiness is, from a warm puppy to a brand new son. Granted these are external moments of happiness. All of which can be lost in a moment.

Which leads me to my point, true happiness is an inside job. We choose what makes us happy. We choose to be happy where we are in that moment.

Now, I’m not suggesting that we should try to make ourselves happy while in a relationship that may be toxic or no longer working. Nor should we settle for or stay in a relationship or job if we are truly miserable and no longer consider ourselves to be happy. Nor should we accept something that we truly can’t live with while in a relationship or job that is doing well. Obviously some compromises can be worked out. 

For a number of years, I was in a relationship and believed I was happy. But, I was only happy because I was in a relationship again right after my first parter had passed. I was no longer alone. The relationship began to change after a few years but I was still with someone who loved me so I felt happy, after all relationships are forever, aren't they? And, I didn't want to be alone again. Naturally.

Quite a conundrum.

I have come to believe we must first be happy with ourselves. The moment we decide to place our happiness in someone else’s hands, they will drop it every single time. Every. Single. Time.

Nothing is perfect. No relationship, no job, nothing.

So, if nothing is perfect that begs the question, can we define what happiness is within the context of a relationship? Or any situation, for that matter. I feel that as long as we can be happy with ourselves in an imperfect situation, we can accept the challenges and imperfections as long as we are not settling for something less than we deserve.

Many of us believe happiness is a destination. If only I had..., if only I were..., if only I worked..., if only my partner...

And yet, when we get those dream items often we aren’t any happier. In my opinion, chasing happiness like this is similar to dangling the carrot in front of the donkey to get it to move forward. Sometimes we end up focusing so much on leading the donkey, we take our eyes off our path and end up who-knows-where.

So, this brings me back to my original point, we need to be happy with ourselves before we can be happy externally.

With a potential relationship on the horizon, I am focusing on my happiness first. I am not depending on anyone else to make me happy. 

No one can. 

It’s my job, my responsibility and no one else’s.

So, to answer my friend, “Yes, I am happy."

Lucy's Chickens

I recently did something I’d always wanted to.

I watched all 179 episodes of I Love Lucy in order. I didn’t binge on them watching them back to back. But, I did start at the beginning with “The Girls Want to Go to a Nightclub” which originally aired on October 15, 1951 and concluded with “The Ricardos Dedicate a Statue” with an original airdate of May 6, 1957. I’d watch two or three episodes before bed or when I had some time. I didn’t check when I started, and I was interrupted by a weeklong trip to Georgia. So, I had no rush or a timetable; I just wanted to watch them in order over time at leisure.

I’ve been a fan of both Lucy and Lucille Ball for years. I’ve often remarked to myself and those other fans I know, how moments of our life today can be found in I Love Lucy.

We can even learn lessons from the original Fab Four-and-a-half; Lucy, Ricky, Fred, Ethel and, of course, Little Ricky. 

I’ve been exploring a possible relationship with someone very close to me. Yeah, I know. Why explore a relationship with someone not close to me? But, he is a very dear friend and I believe that the friendship itself would be the foundation for something really special between us. But, I digress from Lucy.

Lucy and the black eye

I was watching the Connecticut episodes near the end of the series when this lesson hit me harder than when Ricky tossed the book at Lucy giving her a black eye.

This lesson was about me in this possible relationship.

I’ve always had the tendency to think of the negative when things don’t go as anticipated. He and I have no set rules as when we will contact each other, but we try every day to chat at least once in the morning and once in the evening, sort of a "good morning" and a "sleep well" chat. When he can't make the morning chat, he lets me know ahead of time. So, I've come to anticipate this pattern. I understand things come up and he might not respond as quickly as I might, or our timing might be off due to said interruptions. Frequently, I have jumped to the conclusion that he either forgot me, found someone else, or simply changed his mind and has ghosted me, in spite of his many reassurances he’s not going anywhere. (At least I’m not picturing him lying dead in a ditch somewhere. I’d call that progress.)

Every time things haven’t gone per our pattern, I’ve asked or he’s immediately explained what happened and I find our communication gratifying, though I’m sure he must be getting tired of my insecurity.

Back to Lucy. In a pair of episodes, Ricky and Lucy decide to raise chickens to sell the eggs and the Mertzes move to Connecticut to manage the business. After a few missteps, Ricky gets tired of waiting for the hens to begin laying so he decides to sell them and get out of the egg business. When the poultry man arrives to buy the chickens, they are missing. Spotting one of the missing hens in Ethel’s hatbox, Ricky then accuses Fred of being a chicken thief whereupon Fred accuses Ricky of planting the hen in the hatbox to scapegoat Fred and cop the profit for himself. The argument escalates to where all four adults end up accusing each other with Lucy and Ethel also getting swept up in the accusations when some hens are discovered in the Ricardo’s living room. 

As it turns out, no one is a chicken thief as Little Ricky, wanting to keep the chickens, conspired with his next door neighbor to hide them!

And that’s when it hit me, the reason for many misunderstandings is rarely as severe as we often make it. These four adults were jumping to conclusions when the reason behind the missing chickens was simpler than they thought. 

So, the next time things might not go according to our pattern, I’ll invoke this episode to remind me, that the reason of my doubts and fears is far less complicated than the conclusion I’m jumping to. 

And no one is a chicken thief. 

Attraction

There’s an old sexist saying, “Clothes make the man.” I think clothes can make anyone. Look what they did for Patrick Swayze in To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar.

Patrick Swayze as Vida Boheme,
Too Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar

There’s another much less sexist saying, “We are what we eat.” We eat junk food, we have a junk body.

And both Jesus and Buddha said something along the lines of our thoughts create our reality.

And then there’s the idea that like attracts like. Except with magnets. There, like repels like. So I guess we have two theories of attraction.

As well as a Law of Attraction.

How does that apply to us?

It seems that according to Jesus and Buddha (and a few other spiritual and psychological leaders) our thoughts create our reality. Whatever mindset we maintain, we maintain in life. If we believe we will never find the dream job, we will never find the dream job. If we believe we deserve poverty, we will live in poverty. If we believe all men or women cheat, we will attract men or women who cheat. If we believe we aren’t good enough, we never will be good enough.

It’s like what Henry Ford once said, 

All of this is fine in theory, but how does it seem to work? With magnets, it’s an opposite polarity thing.

But, with our thoughts, we are attracting like thoughts. So, it'a a same polarity thing. 

Follow me here.

We are made up of matter, which in turn is made up of atoms which are made up of energy. Energy vibrates. Different energies vibrate at different frequencies. Similar frequencies would attract one another. Have you ever noticed someone and felt there was something off about them? They may have been sending off a bad vibe or frequency which clashed with yours. Or, conversely, you were drawn to them? Their energy may have been pulling you toward them.

Perhaps this video can explain better than I can.

But, changing a mindset is not easy because we are steeped in old patterns of belief. 

Beliefs such as we don't deserve the good things in life. When we suffer a breakup, why do we seem to blame ourselves? What more could I have done? We believe we are always at fault or not good enough.

If we don't get that job we wanted it was because we believe we didn't deserve it.

Where do these beliefs come from?

Some come from our past. I grew up in an environment where I never felt I was good enough.

Some come from society. As a youth questioning my sexuality, I didn't want to be "one of those dirty old men" lurking in dark alleys.

Some come from religion. Nor did I want to be condemned to the fiery pits of hell for loving someone regardless of gender.

Changing those beliefs isn't easy, but necessary to raise our vibration in order to attract what we truly deserve.

So, how do we do that?

We just do.

Yeah, I know. Easier said than done.

I'm starting with positive affirmations.

I'm focusing on what I have, not what I need.

I'm rewarding myself intrinsically for completing something challenging, for meeting a goal and not punishing myself for incomplete work.

I'm focusing on embracing my shadows and working with them, not letting them work against me.

I'm focusing on being me and letting go of caring what others think. After all, it's not my business what they think of me, only what I think of myself.

I'm focusing on loving myself.

Just as I am.