My Latest Rabbit Hole

I know I’ve neglected posting here but the motivation to do much of anything has been a casualty of both the pandemic and the political landscape here in the US. I hope to get back to posting more regularly.

Someone recently suggested to me that I’d find love again. While it was a nice sentiment and the person meant well, it didn’t truly resonate with me. In fact, it felt downright alien to me and I couldn’t figure out why.

I think I’ve mentioned once or twice before in this blog that I have a slight tendency to overthink. So naturally, I fixated on the sentiment and why it didn’t seem to resonate.

It eventually hit me; it wasn’t the sentiment itself, but the word find.

Then, like Alice, I went down the rabbit hole. What was it about the word find that seemed to irk me?

Photo by Louis Moncouyoux on Unsplash

Well, find implies searching and searching implies there’s something lost. So, if you are searching for something you lost, that implies a need because you wouldn’t be searching for it unless you needed it and need suggests desperation, a weakness, or a dependency. (We need food and water otherwise we’d grow weak and eventually die.) While it’s true, I did lose a relationship when my partner of nearly 16 years suddenly decided he wanted out, I also gained a greater sense of self. So, I lost love but gained myself. Score one for me. So, do I see a relationship as a sign of weakness? Or is it the need of one that’s a weakness?

And, yes, find can also imply a chance encounter, like when I find money on the ground or stumble upon something as in the times I've stumbled upon crow feathers.

When this person said this to me, I definitely wasn't searching for love, nor did I have any hope of stumbling upon a chance encounter with some nice guy in a market or the like. Basically, I'd given up.

It’s been eleven years of singleness, or is it singlehood? Singledom? Regardless, I’ve been independent for a while now. Quite independent. Yeah, I don’t need a relationship. I can handle things on my own. After all, I’ve been doing it for eleven years now. I’ve handled many home repair jobs on my own, from landscaping to some remodeling and redecorating. I mean I hired someone to do most of it, but still. I did it.

Then I saw something that kicked my overthinking into hyperdrive; a meme that suggested that being too independent for a relationship was actually a trauma response.

Trauma? What trauma response? I haven’t suffered any trauma other than shattering my finger when I was six years old. But, what would that have to do with being too independent for a relationship?

Could the divorce be the trauma? No, I was past that. After all, I had dated a bit afterwards. But, nothing ever came of any of them. There was the nice guy I met barely four months after the divorce where a misunderstanding and some miscommunication caused us to go our separate ways. Then there were the illiterate guys on the apps who seemed to want just one thing which I wasn’t prepared to offer which I clearly stated in my profile-NO HOOKUPS. So, I deleted my accounts on the apps, never looked back and decided I was done with relationships because I was exhausted from searching to find The One as well as from trying to explain myself. I was tired of the disappointments, the games, the seeming lies, the illiteracy, of being ghosted. Wait, I may be on to something here.

During all this, I also began to explore my more spiritual side and focused on my own growth as a spiritual being. At one point, I explored the basics of Buddhism and there was one principle that seemed to resonate with me; non-attachment.

Non-attachment is the practice of accepting the fact that nothing is permanent. We could lose everything in one fell swoop. Any natural disaster could destroy a house and all the material items within. We could suffer a financial loss from losing a job or due to overpriced and underinsured medical bills as a result of a major illness or accident. A relationship could suddenly end, like when my husband emailed he wanted out or when my first partner passed away. 

Buddha said the root of our suffering is our attachment to an outcome, to our material possessions, to our relationships.

In addition to non-attachment, I also like to practice not having expectations from anyone or for anything because when you expect something from someone, you set yourself up for being potentially disappointed. Neither of these practices is easy and I have slipped up on numerous occasions.

Anyway…

With the thought of me possibly hiding behind being too independent to need a relationship conflicting with the aim of not being attached to the idea of having another relationship, I found myself living a tarot card; the Two of Swords.

The message of the Two of Swords is one of facing conflicting thoughts, choices or decisions and being asked to decide while keeping emotions at bay, to look at the situations logically.

So, my dilemma is this: am I avoiding finding love because I’ve been traumatized or have I truly detached from the idea of needing a relationship?

I think the answer boils down to this: would I feel comfortable being vulnerable with another man? I would like to think I would. I know I am capable of taking care of myself and my house. So, I don’t need anyone to take care of me. But, having someone there, just in case, would be reassuring. I can entertain myself with the books and DVDs in my collections. Yet, watching a movie together could be relaxing. But, it also includes the suggestion of at least being open to the potential of entering a relationship. I would like to think that if I met someone who truly knocked my socks off and could accept my eccentricities, I'd entertain the idea of exploring a relationship with him.

Then there would be some practical issues as well. But, those are for another day.

Right now, I just have to decide on a Sword.

Radiant Rider Waite Smith Tarot

Though something tells me there just might be a third sword.

Three of Swords
Radiant Rider Waite Smith Tarot

Regardless of any lingering past trauma or being truly detached from the need of a relationship, what do I truly want?

Four More Swords

We're in the home stretch of this tumultuous year which also means I'm checking in with my penultimate card in my reading for this year.

November's card was the Four of Swords.

Swords is the suit of the mind and covers our thoughts, ideas, clarity, learning, communication, etc. Basically, it represents anything that goes on up in our head. When an abundance of Swords cards show up in a reading, my first reaction is that there is a lot of mental activity going on and most likely, overthinking or that some truths will be revealed. Needless to say, it is not the best suit to show up en masse. But, while it may carry some negative and difficult energies, every cloud has a silver lining, every storm shall pass, and all the rest of the growth-from-adversity cliches you can think of.

So, while the suit itself can be difficult, not every individual card is. I view the Four as one of the nicer cards in the suit.

We see a man in armor in repose. Admittedly, it looks like it may be an effigy, but most descriptions of the card state it is not. He is merely resting, albeit in an apparent mausoleum as suggested by the stained glass window. Tarot card meanings build from the preceding card and lead into the following one. The Three of Swords shows a heart pierced by three swords and the Five shows someone holding three swords and two more lying on the ground. Two figures are walking away, seemingly defeated. The main character appears to be smirking or gloating.

The Three of Swords depicts emotional pain; I mean what other meaning could it be with a heart pierced by three swords, pouring rain and some very dark clouds? The Five suggests a situation with a winner and loser; apparently after a confrontation of some kind. The main character's expression suggests he won, most likely underhandedly. With the Four coming between the two, it suggests resting after the storm to gather strength for the upcoming confrontation. The battle may be over, but not the war. Aside from the possible morbidity of resting in a mausoleum, what more quiet place could one find in order to gather some thoughts before the next battle? Perhaps withdrawing within oneself would be an alternative.

Sometimes a card will appear in order to suggest what the seeker should do-some advice, if you will; use the energy of the card as a way to navigate the situation at hand.

And I think I should have done that instead of thinking this would be a calming, restful month.

With the Four of Swords' energy and the High Priestess as the central card and energy of the whole year, that's what I should have done. Instead, I did quite the opposite. My mind went into overdrive. I was overanalyzing quite a lot.

I found myself overanalyzing the direction of my life. Where is it headed? It seemed to be heading in a direction prior to the pandemic. Can it, or even should it, head in the same direction post-pandemic, whenever we emerge from it? Should I change directions? 

I was thinking of my finances which have turned a corner in a more positive direction and how I can maintain that positive momentum.

I found myself looking at my connections to others in light of differences of opinions on both the political climate and pandemic situation.

It was this last point that really hit home. I think I've covered that in a couple of recent posts. Yet, as the situation gets worse, I can't seem to shake it.

I still found myself to be somewhat judgmental of those who don't see the pandemic as seriously as I do-especially government officials who think it's' not their job to enforce a public health emergency. I am doing my best to help keep myself and others healthy in order to not overwhelm the hospitals or further exhaust our doctors, nurses and other medical personnel, and straining our beleaguered healthcare system, as fucked up as it already is, pushing it to its breaking point. And if I'm doing my best, why isn't everyone else? Do they not even care about others? And if they aren't seeing what I am seeing, doing what I am doing, and reading what I am reading (from epidemiologists and virologists, no less-not only the mainstream media) then they are rejecting me.

Yes, I went there.

And from there I went into my own personal mausoleum and withdrew even further from society. How much further can one go when one can't leave one's own house except for essential needs? One withdraws more from social media, I guess.

I just couldn't take all the negativity.  

Yes, I know we all need to make a living. But, let's not get so caught up in making a living that we forget to have a life even given the difficulties that we're experiencing now.

I understand one other thing as well. We all want and need a healthy economy. I agree. It would be great. But, economies do recover. Eventually. In time. Too slow for some, I know. Yes, we live in an age of instant gratification. And we don't like change. But, we did eventually recover from the Great Depression and the Great Recession. Both times. Even if it did take years.

But, what if there are not enough healthy producers making or providing enough goods or services? What if there were no consumers healthy enough to spend money? How much longer will it take for the economy to recover?? Seriously.

A healthy economy ultimately depends on a healthy population for both the supply and demand.

Period.

So, maybe the Four of Swords was suggesting I take a break from social media to gather and analyze my thoughts so I can then let them go. Hanging on to this judgmental attitude isn't healthy, mentally or physically.

December should be interesting.

The Ace of Swords...reversed.

All card images are taken from the Radiant Rider Waite Smith Tarot, (C) 2015, US Games, Inc.

OA

I feel I’m in need of an OA chapter.

Not Overeaters Anonymous.

Overthinkers Anonymous.

In a previous post, I mentioned my Aquarius/Libra combination along with the marriage of the King and Queen of Swords running around in my head. In the Tarot, the suit of Swords is connected to the Air element and Aquarius and Libra are both Air signs which makes me a double air person. Air is connected to the mind together with everything that goes along with it-thoughts, logic, learning, etc. Like the air itself, our thoughts can be quite turbulent at times, like a raging F5 tornado, though sometimes they can be a gentle breeze. But, rarely are they calm.

Clip art from Clipart Panda

With our current situations; political, social and Covid related, plus a few personal/emotional concerns, I’ve been in hyperdrive. Tornado sirens are going off in my head. Or the King and Queen are breeding like rabbits up there.

Even past situations have been coming back into play recently.

With the Black Lives Matter movement back in the mainstream news, I’ve taken a strong look at myself and how I may be unconsciously harboring racist and then by extension, sexist thoughts. Ones I might not have been aware of.

For example, many years ago, a young Black man, probably in his twenties, came knocking on my door. I live in a small gated community of thirty-five houses. He explained he had locked himself out of his house and heard I had a ladder tall enough to get in a second floor window so he could get his keys and wallet. Could he borrow it? Now, I had seen him once or twice in the community yet I still wondered if his story was true as I couldn’t place him in a particular house. But, I didn’t want to judge him based on his race and gender. I knew what I was doing-racially profiling him. I pushed that aside and offered to help him carry the ladder. As we walked to his house, I kept asking myself if I was doing the right thing. It bothered me that I had these thoughts the whole way there. He made it in the house, retrieved his keys and wallet then helped me bring the ladder back to my garage. He thanked me and went on his way.

As it turned out, during a Residents’ meeting later that month, I was talking with a Black woman who turned out to be his mother. I said I may have met her son and explained the situation. She told me how mad she got at him that he had locked himself out of the house and for the trouble he could have gotten himself into. She was grateful I helped him. I can’t recall if I explained my dilemma or not, but I’m sure she knew I must have had some thoughts along those lines.

I still feel badly for having had them.

One similar situation also has been coming to light lately. I was stopped at a red light on one hot afternoon also a few years ago. I decided then it was time to roll up the windows and turn on the air conditioning in my car. Just as I did this, a Black man was crossing the street in front of me. My thoughts were “OMG! I hope he doesn’t think I rolled up my windows because he was crossing in front of me!!” I tried to come back into the moment by reminding myself of my intentions and that I hadn’t seen him until after I started to roll up the windows and turn on the air. 

Now when I’m out for my morning walk and someone is walking toward me, if I can see they aren’t wearing a mask, I safely step into the street. Then I wonder if that person thinks I’m doing it because of their race. Especially if they aren’t white.

But, if they think what I think they think, then that is their business to process. I have more than enough trouble thinking about my thinking to worry about thinking what others are thinking. 

See, I told you I overthink.

I need help.

I’m trying to turn this curse into a blessing by not thinking about it. When I find my thoughts drifting into the darkness, I try to remember to bring myself back into the moment by focusing on what I am doing right then. Sometimes, if I’m walking, I focus on which foot I’m stepping with right then; right, left, right, left, etc. If I’m in my neighborhood, I focus on finding some detail of a house, a plant, or something new I hadn’t seen before. Or, I play music and focus on the lyrics. If I‘m out in nature, I focus on the sounds I’m hearing and try to identify them if possible. If I’m home, I concentrate on the task at hand, but how many times can you clean a bathroom, wash dishes, fold laundry or make the bed? Especially if you live alone? 

I will also try to focus on my breath making sure I'm breathing deep, abdominal breaths. Or I'll try a breathing strategy. Two I'll often use are:

• Breathe in for a count of four, hold for four, exhale for four, wait for four, repeat, or;
• Breathe in for a count of seven, hold for four, exhale for a count of eight, wait for a count of four, repeat.

But, my real trouble is at night when my guard is down so I can relax and drift away to sleep but my brain has other plans. Or in the morning when I’m beginning to achieve consciousness but still in that hazy, dreamy state and the train of thoughts is already pulling out of the station.

I wonder if there is such a thing as Overthinkers Anonymous and if there is a local chapter.

If not, maybe I should be a founding member?

I’ll have to think about it.

Eight Reversed Swords in June

New Palladini Tarot

It's a new month and time to check in with my New Year Reading. The card for June was the lovely Eight of Swords Reversed.

I’ve written about this card before as she popped up last year but let’s have a refresher. Swords is the suit of the mind and encompasses thought, logic, reasoning, learning-anything that goes on in our heads. She’s bound and blindfolded, still trying to move forward but unable to see the swords in the ground around her. If the suit itself represents the mind and all that goes on up there, the individual swords represent the thoughts themselves. She has seemingly trapped herself by her own thoughts. A bit of overthinking, perhaps?

A reversed card can suggest the opposite of the card’s upright meaning. So, I was thinking I’d be releasing myself from the thoughts I was using to imprison myself over the last few months. It seems that was in the cards, so to speak. (Is that where this phrase comes from: the Tarot?)

Another reader I was studying a year ago suggested this idea for a single reversed card. She interprets it as an internal energy rather than external meaning it’s directed more inward than outward into the larger world. In a multiple card reading, the cards would play off each other, influencing the interpretation of the other cards and the position in the spread would also tweak each card's meaning. So, in a way this Eight of Swords could be seen as a single card as it represents one month even if it’s within a larger collective reading for a year with the energies of the cards flowing from one month into the next. Therefore, I could interpret this as a further/deeper entrapment within my own thoughts. That’s one possibility.

Radiant Rider Waite Smith Tarot

Another possibility is that the energy or lesson was there for me to learn how to release myself from my self-imprisonment. But, just because the lesson is there for me to learn, doesn’t mean I will learn it. In other words, I’ll have to face it again one of these days. This reminds me of my teaching days, how many times did I have to review a lesson because the little darlings didn’t get it the first, second or even fifteenth time I went over it? Life can also be like that.

Let’s just say, both of these interpretations could work. Yes, I do feel I am further imprisoned by thoughts and didn’t learn to release myself from this prison. Every method I’ve learned to try and refocus my mind into something more positive didn’t seem to stick.

But, I do need to be fair to myself. I didn’t expect the Covid situation to get so much worse making the month so much more challenging. I did anticipate a resurgence of cases when the states began to reopen which was way too soon in my opinion. But, the extreme of the second wave, if it was indeed a second one rather than an extension of the first one, was overwhelming to me. 

Plus, the attitude of those who still seem to think this is not to be taken seriously disturbs me greatly. I’m getting ahead of myself and another post I have in mind. 

The politics, too, around this situation have weighed heavily on me as well. How bloody difficult is it to put on a simple mask? Did people erupt in violence over “No shirt, no shoes, no service?” Was there such vicious backlash when seat belts became mandatory? Or for driving while on the cell phone/texting? How many people were killed over those policies? Again, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Even with the heavier thoughts, I do think I was meant to learn to overcome these thoughts of despair, depression and disdain for those who don’t seem to care about the seriousness of this virus and its effect on others. Or, at least try to overcome those thoughts. Sometimes, we need to learn a lesson at a higher or deeper level to advance on our journey. I feel I did try, but maybe not hard enough.

I understand that getting past these thoughts is necessary for a peaceful life and better health as anxiety and stress aren’t good on the body. Or spirit.

The overall theme of the year, the lucky thirteenth card, is the High Priestess. I really need to go further inward, into the temple and find my inner truth because I have a bit more work to do as another Swords card is next...

Radiant Rider Waite Smith Tarot

A Year in Preview

With every holiday we have traditions. Sometimes we add new ones and discard those we've outgrown. With my studies in the Tarot now entering their third year, I've decided to continue with my new tradition of a New Year Reading. For this year, I decided to use a deck I'd purchased last year which seems to have a strong hold over me, the Bianco Nero Tarot by Marco Proietto.

As the spread unfolded, I was a bit put off thinking this would be a difficult year ahead. But, I'm taking a leaf from my ancestral crest and slogan, Forewarned is Forearmed. What triggered me was the large number of cards in the suit of Swords. Swords is the suit connected to our mind and therefore anything associated with it; logic, reasoning, thoughts, learning, communication, analyzing, etc. Out of thirteen cards in the spread, six are Swords and five of those are reversed! In short, I see a lot of mental activity ahead and perhaps a lot of blockages or delays in that mental activity. Possibly some overthinking could be in the cards. So, perhaps these reversals are suggesting I have an opportunity to right them by being aware of their forthcoming energies and pushing myself through them, again Forewarned is Forearmed. It's like having an earthquake kit at the ready for the eventual big one. (Note to self: check on the kit and make sure it's up to date.)

January charges in with the Knight of Swords Reversed. I view the Knights as eager young adults, recent graduates who are charging forth to share their views of the world. These eager young crusaders have a message to share with the world and the Knight of Swords has a lot to say as he is the knight of the mind. However, as he is reversed he could still be a bit unsure of himself and how he might be perceived or he is still a bit tentative in his mission. 

February and March have the 4 and 7 of Pentacles respectively. The 4 shows us a young nobleman who is holding on to some coins, as Pentacles is the suit of our material life. He seems to be a bit afraid of letting them go, kind of maintaining some control over his property. Perhaps he's recently come into some money and is afraid of losing it. The 7 shows a figure contemplating his garden, perhaps ready for the harvest. Does he reap his rewards now or wait and see if they grow larger? As I go from the 4 to the 7, the increase suggests growth. Perhaps I should recognize my control issues and reflect on them, getting ready to make some changes for the better. 

In April and May, I have The Magician and Wheel of Fortune respectively and both reversed, my first Major cards of the year adding some punch to these two months. The Magician Reversed is suggesting a possible blockage or delayed seeking of additional knowledge or resources or even taking action. Perhaps I'm not pushing myself as much as I need to as the Wheel of Fortune Reversed suggests things in my life, aren’t necessarily going according to plan or aren’t changing for the better or worse. Maybe the Wheel is stuck because the Magician isn't doing his job, which, in reality, is me.

The 8 of Swords Reversed comes in June and is followed in July by the 7, also reversed. The figure in the 8 is blindfolded and bound, unable to move forward. (If I recall, this card came up last year in February, also reversed.) As Swords is the suit of the mind, the swords themselves represent our thoughts. She can't move forward due to her own thoughts; she has trapped herself. Reversing this card would suggest she's freeing herself because the swords are falling out. The 7 shows a hooded and gloved figure reaching for some swords. Is he stealing them? Why would he need more than one? This card usually suggests some sort of deception or loss. This pairing could allude to a realization of some truth, freeing myself from my own prison of thoughts and any thoughts of deception or being deceived are fallen or cleared away.

The Queen of Wands enters in August and takes charge. She is the Queen of Fire. No, she's not a pyromaniac or a pyrophile, she just has a lot of fire energy. She knows what she wants and how to get it, she's one determined queen. She's also quite charming and uses her charms to get what she wants. She's also one to help those who help her succeed. Perhaps I come into a realization of my own take-charge self and shake things up a bit. She is followed in September by the 3 of Cups, a time of celebration and friendship which would suggest I succeed at something. Or I just have a nice party with some friends. Isn't Labor day in September?

The last quarter will be an interesting one, with the last three Swords coming in; the Reversed Queen in October, the 4 upright in November and the Ace reversed in December. The Queen of Swords has taken the lessons that her son, the Knight, is learning and now has some maturity to add to her message. She is an honest, witty woman who will tell the truth even if that sword cuts a bit. She is one to see both sides of an argument and seeks fairness in her advice. However, reversed she can be a bit cold. She might be a bit more biting in her advice, less inclined to her feminine intuition. 

Could the Queen be suggesting I either become a cold and detached person or am not speaking my truths clearly? Have I not learned from the Knight in January? The 4 in November shows a soldier at rest gathering his thoughts and strength to prepare for another upcoming battle. Perhaps this is suggesting a moment to rest and gather my thoughts for the future. Whatever is happening in these last two months isn’t necessarily cleared up in December as the Ace of Swords usually suggests a moment of clarity or truth. But, as it's reversed the clarity or truth is simply not there.

The High Priestess at the center of it all suggests I really will need to trust my inner voice and intuition this coming year. Perhaps with all the Swords being reversed and the High Priestess as the focal point, this will be a big year for me to learn from her to fully trust my own inner voice and let the swords fall out, wherever they may fall, but hoping no one gets cut in the process.

With Strength as my Card of the Year (see my previous post) and the High Priestess here in the center of my reading they will be a good pair as I can, and should, rely on my own Strength to follow the teachings of the High Priestess.

So, maybe it won't be such a difficult year after all. But I do have my work cut out for me.

WouldaCouldaShoulda

They say there are only two reasons for looking back:

1. to check the rear view mirror when driving, and
2. to see how much progress you have made on your journey through life. 

Oh, and to see if you're being followed, like when you’re walking alone down a dark alley or in a parking structure. So, I guess there are three reasons for looking back. 

Lately, as I’ve been searching for a direction in life, I end up with a lot of down, alone time where I find myself involved with my not-so-favorite pastime; overthinking. 

It seems I’ve been overthinking past conversations I would have, could have or should have handled differently at the time. Or conversations I imagine having should the opportunity arise in the future. I like to call them “conversations after the fact.” Also known as “why didn’t I think of that at the time?” moments.

A recent conversation with a friend around a semi-sensitive subject has triggered this revelation. 

It also triggered painful memories of other difficult conversations, not only with him, but with others, around this sensitive subject.

His question was very innocent as I know he was coming from a place of caring and I understand we have differing views on this and many other subjects.

I now live a very different life than most people so I understand my choices might not resonate with many others. But for the most part, I'm comfortable with my choices and that's all that matters.

Yet, I find myself wanting to revisit this conversation with him to clarify any misconceptions I might have left with my friend.

But, will it matter? Probably not. Will he have remembered this conversation? Again, probably not. Could there even have been a misinterpretation in the first place? Most likely not, as he saw things through his viewpoint and I expressed myself through mine. Is he sitting at home wondering if he misunderstood me or thinking of what he woulda, coulda, or shoulda said differently in case he believes he said something wrong? Most definitely not. 

Revisiting the past with others isn’t always effective. Sure, it can mend fences or fix misunderstandings but sometimes it doesn’t. If this is my life and I know what I meant even if I didn’t verbalize it perfectly, does it really matter? No.

In many cases, looking at the wouldas, couldas and shouldas might trigger one more thing. Regret. I regret how I said what I said. But what does this regret trigger in me? Maybe a feeling of being misunderstood? Of not having said exactly what I wanted to say? Of wondering how my friend perceives or accepts me? A sense of having to defend my unconventional choices? Who knows? 

I also find myself looking at other potential conversations involving different people I might have to face in the future where past misunderstandings have lead to a breach of trust.

In these cases, I’ll just be prepared should I encounter these individuals in the future provided I remember then what I want to say now.

Either way, overthinking these conversations triggers anxiety in anticipation of potential future encounters with these people. 

So, what to do when I find myself in these mental conversations?

When I realize I’m think-talking to myself again, I try to bring my focus back to the moment. If I’m washing dishes, I focus on the water and suds and how they dance across the plate or bowl. If I’m walking outside, I focus on the plants and the texture of the leaves or the bark of the trees. If I’m doing something around the house, I put my energy and attention into whatever it is I’m doing. If I'm listening to music, I focus on the lyrics. Eventually, the anticipated conversation has drifted away.

If I’m trying to fall asleep, well, then I’m in trouble. I try a self-relaxation technique where I start to focus on my breath for a while, feeling it as I inhale, then as I exhale, inhale, exhale, over and over. Later, I focus on my feet and feel how heavy they are. Then my calves, up my legs to my abdomen and so on. It does work most of the time.

If that doesn’t help, there’s always Melatonin.