Going Home

They say you can’t go home again. I understand it’s a metaphor regarding the changes that people go through as life goes on and on for the one who leaves and those who don't. So, everything will be different when the prodigal child returns.

My old home in Sacramento

For me, that saying became literal as well. In 1976, I moved to Los Angeles from Sacramento, California for college. During my freshman year, my stepfather accepted a job in St. Louis, Missouri. So, my home in California disappeared into nothingness leaving Los Angeles as my new home. I used to tell people I didn't leave home, it left me. Missouri would never be home as I had no real connection to it and they lived there barely nine months anyway before moving once again. And, in reality, Sacramento wasn’t truly home as we’d only lived there about a year and a half before I left and two years before they did. Yet, my grandparents had lived there for as long as I can recall and remained there until they passed. So, Sacramento always was a home base of some kind.

My mother has lived in the Atlanta area since 1979. I recently went to visit and discovered another aspect of going home even if it’s just home to visit mom wherever she may reside. I’ve changed even more since my previous visit over a year ago. Last year, I’d toyed with the idea of telling her I was beginning to study the tarot and with my first baby steps in telling her, she replied “I thought they were supposed to be evil.” I wasn’t sure how to respond, so I didn’t.

This year I was still unsure about sharing that aspect of my new life. So, I chose to play it by ear. For several reasons, I ended up not opening that closet door. I tried explaining about being an empath by sharing a couple of my empathic moments. I tried explaining some of my intuitive experiences. I’m not sure she grasped any of it, but I’m grateful she listened even if she didn’t know what to say. No one usually does. I’m used to it, so I go it mostly alone, with a few friends who do understand. Kind of.

I did bring up the fact I see the same numbers over and over. I pointed out once that it was 1:11 on the clock and that I’d noticed 11:11 earlier that morning. She said she didn’t believe in that stuff. I took that as not a good sign.

I know this aspect of my life is hard to understand for those who are more secular or religious than spiritual. After all, those nasty tarot cards are frowned upon by churches and those who read them are children of the devil. We've been brainwashed not to pay attention to our intuition as it's seen by some as an evil spirit, mental illness or unreal. Other people get freaked out by it.

Mom and I had some moments of conservative vs. liberal politics but when we realized we would not see eye to eye we steered clear of them. Religion sort of reared its head and we ended up dropping that topic as well and we did the same with environmental issues. 

The view from my mother's back deck

All in all, it was similar to previous visits but for some reason my anxiety was through the roof. Maybe it was because I’m still getting used to these newer dimensions of me and I wasn’t sure of how to proceed in sharing with her, or if I even should. Maybe it was the idea of not being in my own home, my comfort zone. Perhaps it was just being around another person for 24 hours a day after living alone for so many years, regardless of who it was.

Or maybe it was just being in the conservative, oppressive south.

Maybe it was the realization that this was the first time in my life I knew she couldn’t be there for me as I needed her to be. Even as she tried.

Maybe it was all of the above.

I don’t wish to paint my mother as a difficult person. She isn’t. She is very loving and has been there as much for me as she has for my brothers and their issues. She was the only family member who initially stood by my side when I came out as gay. She has her upbringing which has led her down a conservative path and she recognizes we all have our differences which she respects.

As I reflect on what I learned about myself on this trip, I have come to this conclusion; it’s still difficult to ask for what I want or need in relationships. It wasn’t until almost the very end of my stay when I asked for some quiet time on my own. Yes, I could have gone up to "my room” and lie down or something. And, yes, I could have borrowed her car and gone into Atlanta for a day out on my own. But, it’s also hard to ask for that when you’ve made your annual trek across the country to visit and help your aging mother while recognizing she wants to maximize the time we have together. Based on her needs, obligations and other family engagements in the area, we arranged our chores around them, which then also limited my ability to go explore Atlanta. Plus, the two hour drive into the city was also a huge factor. 

So, all in all, it was a nice visit, even if it had its ups and downs. Hopefully, next time I’ll be a bit more grounded.  

Home, my comfort zone

Synchronicities 7

The synchronicities happening in my life have taken quite an interesting turn.

First, they were mostly sets of the same digit, appearing often; for example, 1111, 222, 777, 8888888. I'd notice them mostly on license plates, clocks, receipts, etc. I believe I have written about them before. After all, this post is titled "Synchronicities 7."

Then they added another level and became repeated combinations of 3- or 4- digits. Two threes and a one is a frequent combination, usually as 331 or 313. Two ones and two sevens is another one I see often; 1177, 1717, etc.

Also, words began appearing frequently, and usually they were connected to a young man who is very special to me. Since his first name can be used either as a noun or a verb, and his last name can be a verb, those particular words would stand out when I saw or heard them. Often they, both first and last names, would appear in a crossword puzzle I do, Daily Celebrity Crossword, and an opponent even played his last name in Words With Friends and twice the new tiles in my rack formed his first name. One might argue that I might be a bit sensitive to seeing or hearing his names being the deep connection we share(d) and in time that sensitivity would wear off. Yet, combined with all the other synchronicities happening, and the varied areas where his name appears often at random times, I believe the Universe is keeping his name front and center reminding me of our connection.

Coincidences rarely happen. However, these numbers have been appearing daily for over a year which leads me to believe this is something more than simple coincidence, especially when it happens multiple times in one day with different numbers.

Now, here's where the plot thickens. On a recent Monday, I went to my local Home Depot. I parked in a space with no cars in the space directly in front of me or to either side of that one which gave me a clear view of the cars in the next aisle over. There were two cars parked side by side with no cars for two spaces on either side of them. So, these two were by themselves. They stood out.

As I have a thing for license plates, I glanced at these two. I had already seen a plate with 111 in this same parking lot! Both cars' plates ended in the same three-digit number, 837! This was a new sequence for me; I had never noticed it before. What are the odds of two cars sitting side by side, not surrounded by other cars for at least two spaces on either side, ending in the same three digits? I would think they would be astronomical.

Later that same week on Thursday, I drove to my doctor's office for a routine visit. In less than ten minutes, from the time I entered the parking lot to the time I entered the building, I noticed 858 on three different license plates! Now, I must say I didn't go plate by plate looking for repeated number sequences as this is a huge medical facility and I was running close to my appointment time. All three plates just happened to be where I simply glanced over at them.

Some numerologists ascribe material needs or situation-finances, career, etc-to the number 8. These two combinations seemed to suggest that 1) the Universe has my back where my material situation is concerned, and that 2) a change would be coming to my material status so, I was either going to wipe out financially or win the lottery. Either way is a change. But, the Universe still has my back.

Being that these are the first two specific "messages" I've seen, I tried not to attach any hope or expectation to them. I simply acknowledged them, accepted that the Universe has my back, noted a change would be coming at some point in the future, made a mental note of gratitude and went on my day as usual.

By Friday of the same week, I had received word that one of my creditors was substantially raising my limit, a surprise windfall was deposited directly to my bank account, and I learned my pension check was increasing.

On my way to a different appointment a week later, I stopped at a Starbucks. While leaving the lot, I had to wait for a car to pull out of a spot. The license plate ended in 111. A few moments later, while driving on the freeway to the appointment, two cars passed me on the left. They were in adjacent lanes, one to my immediate left, the other to the left of that car, so for one brief moment, they were side by side. Both cars' plates ended in 777!

Sample of a finished Bonza puzzle

Synchronicities don't always involve numbers. As I've mentioned, they have also involved words. I enjoy music as I drive and was listening to an 80s station. As I was approaching this new appointment, one of my favorite songs came on and finished just as I parked my car. I was a bit early for my appointment, so I sat on a bench to while away the time. Taking out my iPhone, I decided to play a puzzle game, Bonza, that I have on both my iPhone and iPad. Now, I haven't played this app on my phone for quite some time, maybe a year at least, so this was unusual. In Bonza, there is a clue, and the answers connect via common letters, similar to a crossword. At first, the answers are broken into pieces and I have to figure out the words or phrases and where they connect. The clue to the next available puzzle in the pack was "Rick Rolled." I had no idea what that meant and as I like a nice challenge, I tapped the screen and there were the pieces of the words or phrases. As I pieced the answers together, they began forming lines from the chorus of the song I had heard just moments before; "Never Gonna Give You Up," by Rick Astley!

The facts that 1) I had just heard the song moments before; 2) I rarely play this puzzle on my phone (the screen's too small to read comfortably with my bad vision) and 3) this was the only available puzzle for me suggested this was not merely a coincidence especially since I had seen 111, twin 777s and now this new synchronicity with the song and puzzle all in about 45 minutes?

So, it seems newer number sequences are appearing simultaneously, or at least in near rapid fire succession. And now the Universe is keeping me on my toes with music and different puzzles. I will say, I am curious as to why the Universe used this song. I'm trying hard not to read anything into it, but it isn't easy.

I try to take it all in stride which is difficult given it can be quite overwhelming. I view the numbers all as affirmations that I'm on the right path for my greater good and all will be well in the end.

And if it's not well, it's not the end.

(But, that song, though...)

Please check out Bonza and Daily Celebrity Crossword for your phone or tablet. They are highly addictive!! 

"Never Gonna Give You Up" official video

Triplets

They say that seeing numbers in multiples is a message from the other side-maybe from guardian angels or spirit guides; a sign of the trinity (especially if it's three of the same number), or simply a blessing or affirmation.

I've been seeing them in batches.

One day a few weeks ago, on my way to a meeting I must have seen about five license plates with triples. Maybe there were more but I wasn't counting then, yet the very quantity of plates stood out to me, which caused me to start making more of a note of when and where I saw them. 

I try not to read every license plate because then I would be looking for signs and they'd lose their meaning or significance. (Plus, if I'm driving, I wouldn't be focused on the cars around me. Think safety.)  But, I do enjoy trying to figure out personalized plates, so I do glance around and simply acknowledge it should I see a triple. Many times, the cars will be directly in front of me so I can't miss it. Recently, a truck pulled out in front of me bearing the plate 89888xx. (I couldn't remember the letters on the plate.)

Last week, I announced my intention to retire from teaching. I am a bit apprehensive as this is a new chapter in my life, with some financial uncertainty. I was also thinking of the young man so recently in my life and how I miss him. I was driving home and approaching an intersection, signaled my impending left turn while a car coming from the opposite direction signaled a right. Turning into the lane behind the other driver, I read the license plate, 888.

Last week I also had a very deep spiritual conversation with a random woman. She noticed my Aquarius pendant, and commented on how spiritual Aquarians tend to be. I acknowledged I was going through some kind of spiritual awakening. During our conversation I also revealed I might be experiencing a Twin Flame relationship. She replied, "How beautiful, and I think I am too." The fact she seemed to understand this phenomenon suggested our meeting was not as random as I initially thought. I needed to stop at a particular store, but was directed to a different one in the chain than I had originally wanted. I was able to take advantage of this mis-suggestion and take care of business at another location in the same shopping center-two for the price of one, shall we say. It was in this second business where I met this woman. Immediately after finishing our conversation, I spotted a license plate, 666.

While many numerologists ascribe certain meanings to numbers, and some religions assign a meaning to the numbers above, I do not. As I see so many triples, with the occasional quadruple or quintuple thrown in, I simply have come to accept that they all are a blessing of some kind, an affirmation that I'm doing the best I can and all will turn out okay. 

It's all good.

Last Friday after work, I went out to my car to find a different car parked in front of me than the one I had parked behind in the morning; it's license plate contained the numbers 444. 

On the way home, I glanced plates with 222, then 333. 

The next morning, even though I hadn't planned on it I went shopping. As I walked through the parking lot, I glanced a license plate with 222. The purchase totaled $44.44, my debit card entitled me to a discount which brought my total down to $42.22; a discount of $2.22. Exiting the store, I saw plates with triple 8s and next to it, triple 0s. Driving across the street to pick up a bite of lunch, I parked facing the store I had just visited, part of its address was blocked by a palm tree revealing only the three 9s of the address. All this took place within 1.5 hours.

Once back at home, I played solitaire on my iPad. With no moves, I turned over three cards from the stock, all 4s. Shortly after, I walked into my guest room to close the window, glancing at the clock, I noticed it was 4:44.

Later that same evening, I left a bit early for an appointment, as I needed to stop on the way for a quick purchase. I glanced at the store address, 18555. Placing the purchase in my car, I glanced at the plate of an adjacent car, 555, as in the address. I later pulled forward to the stop sign at the end of the aisle where I had parked, directly in front of me was a license plate, 888.

Arriving at my appointment, I glimpsed a plate with 666. One hour later, after leaving my appointment I noticed the car that was now parked next to me had 444 on its plate. Before leaving the parking lot, I saw 777 and another 666. On the way home, I saw a 111, another 444 and even a plate with JJJ! Not sure what to make of triple letters, yet.

All of these latest sightings took place within two hours. That's a total of seventeen triples and one quadruple for the whole day and in a total of about four hours.

I'd say someone is trying to tell me something.

On an interesting side note, these all occurred on the Lunar New Year which heralded in the Year of the Rooster. I was born in a Rooster Year. Okay, maybe that is just a coincidence; but then again, with the sheer number of triples, who am I to say?