Swords and a Waterfall

Radiant RWS deck
(c)2003, US Games, Inc

November has given way to December and it's time to check in with my New Year Reading for 2021 which now seems so long ago. The reading, not 2021. My card for November was the 8 of Swords Reversed. 

The 8 of Swords in the traditional Rider-Waite-Smith tarot deck shows a blindfolded woman bound from her upper arms to her hips/thighs with what appears to be cloth. She is surrounded by eight swords in a quasi-semicircle. She is attempting to move past the swords but is struggling to do so. If the entire suit of Swords represents the domain of our thoughts and other mental activities-thinking, reasoning, seeking clarity and understanding, learning, and communication-then the individual swords represent individual thoughts, beliefs or ideas.

So, what is keeping her in place?

Her own thoughts. She can’t move forward because she’s caught in her own thoughts. She’s either overthinking a situation and can’t see her way clearly out of it or she’s stuck thinking self-defeating thoughts; “I will never figure this out”, “I’ll never master this subject”, etc. Or something along those lines.

Grimalkin Tarot,
(c)2020, MJ Cullinane

In The Grimalkin Tarot, by MJ Cullinane, we see a cat staring at a waterfall attempting to get past it. Or at least thinking of a plan to get beyond it. But the young feline is probably thinking, “I'm a cat, I’m not supposed to like water.” However, there appears to be a concentrated look on the cat’s face as if it’s determined to make it across.

Yet, the card is reversed in my reading. If we look back at the RWS card, turning it upside down would suggest that the swords could fall out. After all, they’re only stuck in by the points. Reversed, this card suggests one would be freeing themselves from paralyzing thoughts; moving past these self-defeating beliefs.

Going into November, I did feel very stuck, unable to free myself from what felt like a mental prison. I am tired of hearing people claim personal or religious liberties regarding various mandates. What about the greater good for all? We are in the middle of a global pandemic. We’ve had health related issues before, though none that have hit the US with such a deadly impact.

Except for one.

HIV/AIDS

Having lived through and survived that one, I’m tired of people complaining about their liberties when no one seemed to be concerned over the liberties of the mostly gay men who were initially being affected by that pandemic.

I could go on, but this is about my month.

I have also been feeling the need for some direction in my life since retirement. I’ve tried finding a part-time job, but that never panned out. I’ve considered volunteering, but unsure of where to volunteer. A pet shelter would be nice, but I’d want to rescue a cat or two. Or several. And my budget is already stretched nearly to breaking with the recent remodel. Being somewhat empathic, plus with the pandemic hanging over our shoulders, I avoid crowds in droves. Or try to, at least. So, volunteering with a large group of people is not in my cards. 

I thought of joining a couple of Meet-Ups but I lose interest after a while when the discussion topics no longer appeal to me. Or the host decides to close the group.

So, I hope this helps explain why I felt stuck at the beginning of November.

Yet, something began to shift.

While the events around me haven’t changed, the pandemic is still around with a new variant even. I’ve decided to let those who truly need a job apply for those jobs that are available (plus there’s the whole avoiding crowds issue, as well). I’ve also decided that if any new Meet-Ups do sound intriguing, I’ll explore them and just let what happens, happen. I’ll keep my eyes open for any volunteer options that won’t tug at my heart strings or budget and that may involve only a small group of people.

Yet, I know of at least a couple of swords I'll still need to work around.

The first one represents my opinion of those who don't take this pandemic seriously and see the mandates as an infringement on their rights to liberty and personal choice. But, what about my right not to be sickened by someone else? Do I not matter? What about the Golden Rule, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you?" I guess that only applies when convenient.

Another sword I'll need to work through is the one about the current state of the US; the polarization over the politics, the racism, the rights of the marginalized, and women's rights to choose appropriate health care.

Being somewhat empathic, these two swords have left me with an overwhelming sense of negative energy which is weighing heavy on me and keeping me behind the waterfall. And therefore, not trusting others enough to socialize more.

So, it seems that some of the swords did appear to shift, letting me get past the waterfall. I'll have to really work on those other two.

Or, at least take steps towards them.

I wonder what the Three of Wands brings me in December. Though, in my reading it, too, was reversed.

Hmmm...

Grimalkin Tarot,
(c)2020, MJ Cullinane

For more information on MJ and all of her decks, please click here.

The Grimalkin

Photo by Johannes Plenio on Unsplash

Well, October has given way to November and it's time to check in with my New Year's Reading and this post will be somewhat different than the rest.

One reason for the difference is the card itself.

For 2021, I used The Grimalkin Tarot by MJ Cullinane. And the card I pulled was the Grimalkin.

Now, this is not a card found in the traditional Rider Waite Smith deck. Ms. Cullinane felt inspired to create two additional cards for this deck and the Grimalkin is one of them.

But first, what exactly is a Grimalkin?

The Grimalkin, The Grimalkin Tarot
(C)2020, MJ Cullinane

According to Wikipedia, a grimalkin (also called a greymalkin) is an archaic term for a cat. It stems from "grey" (the color) plus "malkin", an archaic term with several meanings; a low class woman, a weakling, a mop, or a name deriving from a form of a pet name of the female name Maud. Scottish legend also references the grimalkin as a fairy cat that dwells in the highlands. Women tried as witches in the 16th, 17th and 18th centuries were often accused of having a familiar, frequently a grimalkin, thus associating cats with the devil and witchcraft.

Ms. Cullinane describes the energy of this card as that of healing, since many of the women who were tried as witches were actually midwives and well practiced in the herbal healing arts. She suggests that when the Grimalkin appears in a reading, it’s suggesting a need of healing, taking the time to go inward and learn to trust oneself, one’s intuition, as suggested by the bat, and one’s spirit. The snow in the card suggests finding a peaceful time to aid in some much needed introspection. The owl suggests magic and renewal while the fox suggests solitude to focus on problem solving.

I did find October to be a difficult month. And, yes, I probably should have called on the Grimalkin more frequently, spending more time nurturing myself and trusting my inner voice.

I had finished the remodel which then freed up my mind to continue its wandering as I had nothing more to occupy my attention and a great deal of my time. I was still haunted by the ghosts of past conversations from months ago I feel I should have had even if I knew at that time they'd wouldn't change a thing. I fell into a spiral of downward thinking, not knowing who or what to believe or even what I wanted any longer.

I also began to lack basic motivation, yet finished all my projects I had, even those not associated with the remodel. I stuck to my morning routine and walking regimen but felt myself falling off my pace but still kept pushing myself to achieve the goals I'd set.

In addition to the downward spiral of thought, it seems I also fell into a rut doing the same things every day.

Well, October is finally over and they say the only way from here is up.

November brings the 8 of Swords, but reversed. Hmmmmm

The 8 of Swords, The Grimalkin Tarot
(C)2020, MJ Cullinane

For more information on MJ Cullinane and her various decks, please click here.

Pages, Swords and Pointed Lessons

It’s that time again; a new month and time to check in with my reading for this year. The Page of Swords was my card for August. 

As I’ve mentioned a few times, Swords is the suit that represents our mind and whatever goes on up there; logic, thought, understanding, truths, communication, etc.

Rider Waite Smith Tarot
Public Domain

The Pages are part of a subset of Tarot cards collectively referred to as the Court Cards. Within the Court, we have four ranks; Pages, Knights, Queens and Kings. Each rank represents an age range and with age comes life experience which in turn brings more mature wisdom. Therefore, Pages are the least wise while the Kings and Queens are the most wise. 

The Page of Swords is learning to identify their truths, how to reason, to determine fact from fiction and also how to express their ideas and perhaps even when to hold back from expressing them. Being young, the Page is still eager to learn and therefore can likely make some mistakes along the way. If the entire suit represents the mind and all the activity that goes on in our heads, then the sword itself represents the individual thought. In the Rider Waite Smith Tarot, we see the young Page posing as if ready to swing his sword. So, this would suggest the Page is ready to cut through to the heart of the matter or say what is on their mind.

In the Grimalkin Tarot, by MJ Cullinane, which I used for this year's reading, we see a kitten discovering the power of its voice. It's calling out for someone to listen, to pay attention to it. The swallows represent making swift decisions, the dove represents a pure heart and integrity. So, the Page of Swords is learning to speak with a pure heart and integrity.

Grimalkin Tarot
(C) 2020 MJ Cullinane

I truly felt the energy of the Page this month.

I don’t believe we are post-pandemic nor even close, but with things beginning to open up, I stepped way out of my pandemic-induced comfort zone this past month. I mean I stepped waaaaaaaaaaay out of my comfort zone. I stepped so far out of it, I ended up 1,960 miles away.

I visited my mother. In Georgia. Rural Georgia.

Now, I must say, my mother and I are close. Even if our politics are different. She was the only member of my family who initially stood by me when I came out to them. She has been supportive of me and my partners. She cried when my first partner died saying she felt like she’d lost a son-in-law. She was a long distance shoulder to cry on when my second partner divorced me. So, just visiting her doesn’t trigger any anxiety. Or, it hadn’t in the past. 

This is where stress and anxiety have begun to creep into my visits. It’s about how we express our differences. She has always suggested we should not mention or discuss them so as not to start an argument.

Easier said than done.

It had been two years since my last visit, mostly due to the pandemic and travel restrictions; plus, my own travel anxiety. I am somewhat empathic and avoid crowds. It’s hard to avoid crowds in an airport let alone in an airplane. The more I open up to my spiritual Self, the more anxious I tend to get around crowds. Unfortunately, the airlines frown against burning sage on the plane itself. So, I do a few ritual exercises before I know that I have to face a crowd and I carry both an amethyst and either obsidian or onyx crystal with me which help, if only for something tactile to hold. Shielding myself with golden light to keep the bad vibes away also helps.

They say that to see how spiritually progressed you are, spend time with your blood family. Then you can see how far along your journey you have come. Or how much further you have to go. 

The last couple of visits, she’s been expressing her views more frequently; on climate change, on the presidents-mostly the Democratic ones, on the Democratic Party, on Charter Schools, the Tarot cards. To be fair, she does admit that she's been disappointed in the Republican Party for some time and has left it, but she still holds conservative views. 

This trip I vowed not to react. Even internally. At her age, will she change? Will she even listen to me if only to attempt to understand my point of view and not what she thinks my point of view is? In the past, I’d react and we’d end up shouting at each other and my blood pressure would rise. I mean it’s already higher when I’m there since I'm not in the secure comfort of my home and sanctuary. So, why should I aggravate it any further?

The view from my mother's balcony

On my path, I’ve come to accept that we all have our own views depending on where we come from. What works for me may not work for you and vice versa. I accept you where you are. Therefore, I accept her where she is.

On my first full day there, it started and I’m not sure what started it. She likes to crochet and buys her supplies at Michaels, JoAnn’s or Hobby Lobby wherever she can find the yarn on sale. She began at some point about how she knew how I felt about Hobby Lobby and Chick-Fil-A but by boycotting them we are hurting the franchise owner and not necessarily the company which she then took this argument back to the 2010 BP boycott over the huge pipeline break and subsequent massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico and how the small stations were driven out of business due to the boycott. She also threw in the transgender bathroom issue at Target stores but still shops there. Then, she finished with “I know we’re going to disagree.”

“Yes, we’ll just have to disagree.”

That was my response. My only response. And that was the Page of Swords’ lesson: “Learn to speak your truths when and where possible, necessary and beneficial.” Would challenging her and trying to get her to see my point of view do any good? No. Again, we probably would have ended up in a shouting match and then angry and/or hurt. Would even expressing my point of view have done any good? Probably not.

Yet, now back home, I begin to wonder why I didn’t ask why she felt the need to even express her point of view knowing I had an opposing viewpoint? In my head, I see myself saying to her, “Is there a point to this discussion?” or "Why are you bringing this up?" Maybe she felt the need to justify why she shops at places she knows I disapprove of, perhaps seeking my approval of her. Yet, I still wonder if I had asked that question at least, what would have come of it? 

As August has moved on, it is apparent the Page has sheathed their sword. I wish I could, too.

On to September and the 9 of Pentacles Reversed. Uh oh.

The 9 of Pentacles,
The Grimalkin Tarot, (C) 2020
MJ Cullinane

For more information on MJ Cullinane, her Tarot and Oracle Decks, please click here.

2021

The Grimalkin Tarot
(c) 2020, MJ Cullinane
Photo by Jeff Ballam

Continuing my newest tradition of drawing a New Year’s Reading giving me a glimpse into the year dawning on me, I sat down on January 1 to pull some cards. For this reading, I decided to use one of my newest decks, The Grimalkin Tarot by MJ Cullinane. 

(For information on this and other decks by MJ Cullinane, click on the link below.)

Glancing initially, I see only four major cards out of thirteen total, suggesting this year will focus more on more minor energies, rather than a lot of deeper lessons. I see only four reversed cards suggesting that most energies will be directed outward rather than internally. Six of the nine minors are Yang energy also suggesting more of an external, active, expressive year.

January brings me Temperance, a Major. To begin a year with a Major card suggests the year will start off with a bang, a bigger lesson. In the card, we see a cat walking on a narrow ledge with calm water on one side flowing over the ledge into a waterfall, while fish are swimming upstream. This would suggest I need to walk a narrow path between a calmer side and a more chaotic, turbulent side; keeping balance between two very different sides.

February brings the Knight of Swords, an energy of going forth with my own ideas, expressing my truths. We see a cat in mid-lunge, focused on his quarry, the crow. How will the horse react? This Knight can have a tendency to be too focused, a tad harsh in expressing his thoughts and ideas. I may need to watch myself as I express my thoughts and opinions, making sure not to cause an upset.

March’s card is the Ace of Swords. What opportunity is presented for me for me to expand my mind? What learning opportunity is presenting itself to me? What truths are presenting themselves to me? Will I send or receive a message of some kind? What stand must I take?

In April, I greet the Queen of Wands-an energy of going forth to pursue my passion, a new adventure or to seek to accomplish a goal close to my heart. She is also a team player, as long as you agree to play by the same rules. Will I be working with someone? 

May brings the Seven of Cups, where we see the cat dreaming of what it wants or needs. Dare I dream of something big or realize that what I see or feel is merely an illusion? Or am I to take this energy and expand my vision?

The King of Wands comes in June and adds an interesting element. The Queen and King of Wands are both about pursuing goals, passions, or adventures; yet, they come from differing points of view. Both are driven, both can be charming and use their charms to achieve their success. The Queen suggests a more emotional approach, suggesting a bit more passion in her approach and therefore, more drive. She is a woman seeking success in a man’s world, wanting to be taken seriously. The King brings the energy of a driven man, someone who sets his sights on what he wants or needs and strives to achieve it. His approach is more logical since men are more analytical. He thinks on his feet. As these two sandwich the Seven of Cups, perhaps the Queen sets the plan in motion in April, the dream becomes more realized or evident in May, and the King takes it further in June. 

July brings the first reversed card, the Emperor. This card’s energy is about order, discipline and structure. He keeps people on task. Yet, reversed this could indicate I am faltering a bit to complete the goals set by the Queen’s energy and need to be reminded of my need to keep on task, perhaps by developing some more structure.

The Page of Swords enters in August. Some new ideas are present and there is an eagerness to learn them. The Page may even encounter some problems from the Emperor Reversed in July and set out to correct them. 

The Nine of Pentacles Reversed appears in September. The first month I sense some negative energy, though not overtly so. The cat in the card sits comfortably in a garden, content in his surroundings. Perhaps this is the first month where some discomfort sets in. Will there be some financial discomfort in September?

October brings a special card for this deck only, the Grimalkin. This card brings the ancestral energy of women, the ancient healers. Grimalkin is an archaic term for a cat and cats were often seen as companions, or familiars, for women-especially women associated with the healing arts, later to be considered 'witchcraft.' Perhaps, I will need some healing. Or, will I perform some? Other energies here are solitude, letting go, walking my own path. I find this card's appearance quite intriguing as it also connects with the Hermit's energy. As I posted before, the Hermit is about introspection, walking one's own path, and is my soul card. We often think of a hermit as a man, usually elderly and an elderly, single woman as a crone.

The Cailleach Beure.  Public domain.

November and December both bring reversed cards. The Eight of Swords Reversed shows a cat trying to get past a waterfall. Cats are wary of water and this one seems determined to get past the water. What is holding it back? Its own thoughts, its own perceptions. Reversed, this card suggests letting go of my own thoughts that hold me back. I’m no longer restraining myself. Or the energy will be there for me to act upon it. The Three of Wands shows a cat looking off into the distance, wondering what is over yonder? Perhaps, it will be best to keep my focus on the present rather than the future, which being on the cusp of a new year is often the tradition of December; what will the new year hold? Nope, keep your focus closer to home. 

I add a thirteenth card for a theme. I try to use its energy throughout the year to boost the other cards. This year the card is Death. When I turned the card over, I was excited. This is not a literal card, yet metaphoric; archetypal.It’s about letting things die in one’s life, shedding the toxic. It can also be about transformation. I often think of a caterpillar when the Death card comes up. The caterpillar dissolves itself completely in order to transform into the butterfly. This will be a year of transformation for me, a lot of growth. Which is interesting. Numerologically, this is a year of 5. 2021=2 + 0+ 2 + 1=5. And 5 is the number associated with change. Change is simply change. Our reaction to it is what makes it positive or negative.

This year I will be looking at how I can release the toxic energies in each month as I work through the energies of that month's card. For example, what toxicities can I release to help me maintain the balance of Temperance? I find this card quite appropriate for January as we inaugurate a new president.

The energies are quite opposing this time. I have to find the balance within.

All in all, I like this reading.

It feels good.

For more information on decks by MJ Cullinane, click here.